


You Have No Home, You Have No Walls

by odofidi



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Friends, Drug Use, Eating Disorders, Figuring Out Who You Are, Love, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Non-Linear Narrative, Queer Characters, Queer Themes, Slow Burn, Wedding, alternative universe, friends to strangers to lovers, lots of issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:33:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 38,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28679700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/odofidi/pseuds/odofidi
Summary: David Rose stepped out of the rental car and pulled his suitcase from the trunk. He slipped the weekender bag over his shoulder and stared up at the house before him. It never stopped to amaze him that his parents had managed to build such a mammoth of a home in such a small town. Then again, avoiding a place for almost a decade would change anyone’s perspective.-----David returns home to Schitt's Creek after a ten year absence for his sister's wedding where he is forced to face not only the reasons he left in the first place, but the mistakes that he's made along the way.
Relationships: Alexis Rose & David Rose, Patrick Brewer/David Rose, Patrick Brewer/Rachel, Sebastien Raine/David Rose, Stevie Budd & David Rose, Theodore "Ted" Mullens/Alexis Rose
Comments: 320
Kudos: 398





	1. Miracle I Made It Through the Things I Did…

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all. So this is something very new for me. I've never written something this long. I've never written an AU. I've never done a non-linear time line. But a snippet of a conversation came floating through my head one day and suddenly I had a massive fic outlined and couldn't stop thinking about it until I started to write. New year, new challenges I suppose.
> 
> I'm hoping to have it updated every few days or so as I continue to write and edit.
> 
> This has not been beta-read, so therefore all mistakes (and I'm sure there are many) belong to me and me alone. 
> 
> Fic title comes from Peter Gabriel's "Here Comes the Flood".
> 
> Chapter title comes from Kim Richey's "A Place Called Home".
> 
> There's some heavy themes in this one, kids. So mind the tags. I'll place a content warning at the beginning of each chapter. Some will be much rougher than others. As much as I want everyone to read and love it, protect yourself first and foremost.
> 
> \-----
> 
> Content Warning: This chapter includes mentions and allusions to drug and alcohol abuse, with a vague reference to an eating disorder. Reader discretion is advised.

_Current Day_

David Rose stepped out of the rental car and pulled his suitcase from the trunk. He slipped the weekender bag over his shoulder and stared up at the house before him. It never stopped to amaze him that his parents had managed to build such a mammoth of a home in such a small town.

And okay, they were barely still in the limits of Schitt’s Creek, and yes, his mother had been trying for _years_ to get the town lines moved so that she could write Elmdale instead of Schitt’s Creek on her return addresses. But despite Johnny and Moira having moved their family to Schitt’s Creek twenty years prior, the absurdity of it all never failed to smack David in the face.

Then again, avoiding a place for almost a decade would change anyone’s perspective.

He adjusted the strap on his shoulder and trudged up the driveway. He hoped that by parking far back against the gates he’d have the ability to leave quickly if the need arose. There were no guarantees in the Rose household, not even for a seemingly happy and drama free event like his sister’s wedding.

Considering the hell that her engagement party had been the year prior, David felt an easy escape route was necessary.

He pushed open the door expecting to hear pure chaos only to be met with silence. He pushed his suitcase over to the base of the stairs and placed his bag on top of it before wandering further down the hall. Glancing in each room as he passed by, a nervous ball began to grow in his stomach as he passed empty room, after empty room.

His anxiety built exponentially as he neared the door to the dining room. He pushed his way into the room expecting to find it as empty as the others, only to find his parents, his sister, and Ted sitting down at one end of the room, sitting at the large dining table, talking calmly between them. He stood at the far end of the room, watching them for a moment, before Ted looked up and noticed him standing there.

“David!” Ted’s voice rang out, gleeful and happy as a smile broke out across his face. Any fear that David had of Ted holding a grudge after his engagement party floated away as his parents looked up with their own version of happiness on their faces.

Alexis, meanwhile, bolted up from the table and ran towards him on her towering heels. She barreled into him, wrapping her arms tight around his back and pressing her face into his shoulder. “I’m so glad you’re here.” Her words were muffled by his sweater.

David wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pulling her in just as tight. “Wouldn’t have missed it.”

Alexis pulled back and smiled up at him. They’d come along way since their days as kids screaming at each other to fuck off from across the hall. These last two years in particular had changed everything about their relationship. As Alexis’s life calmed and her relationship with Ted blossomed, David had felt his life falling apart. Looking down at her now, he couldn’t see the young girl who would call him in the middle of the night in desperate need of help halfway around the world. The woman who stood before him now was a different person. He’d never been so proud of her in his life.

Alexis looped her arm through David’s and lead him further into the room down towards the rest of the family. He slipped into the empty chair next to hers as a member of his parent’s staff placed a plate in front of him. David let out a small surprised “oh” before feeling Alexis’s hand squeeze his thigh. He looked over at his sister who smiled softly, and David let out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding.

“Not that we aren’t happy to see you, son, but we weren’t expecting you until the morning.”

David nodded, keeping his eyes on the plate in front of him before looking over at his father. “I was able to move some things around and get out on an earlier flight.” He glanced at his mother quickly, clocking her cautious smile, before turning to Alexis. “I figured I could come with you tomorrow and… help. If you wanted.”

Alexis grinned and reached over to boop her brother on the nose. “I would love that, David.” David crinkled his nose at the familiar gesture. “Ted isn’t the best with all this.”

“It’s true. I never could _wed_ my mind to those little details.” He grinned at his own pun.

David laughed softly as he rolled his eyes. He picked up a fork and took a tentative bite.

“Well, I for one am positively euphoric that my beloved first bébé has enhanced this evening with his actuality. It has been far too long since all of the Roses were under the same abode.” Moira raised her glass towards her son in a gentle toast before taking a sip.

David tucked his lips between his teeth as he nodded, raising the glass of water in front of him in return. “Thank you. I am… genuinely glad to be here.” He glanced between his sister and Ted as they smiled at each other front across the table. “Especially now.” Alexis turned to wink, badly, at her brother. “To Ted and Alexis.” He lifted his glass higher, his smile growing as each member of his family echoed his sentiment.

*****

The next morning David woke early, a habit that anyone who had known him before would have found concerning. David Rose was not a morning person. No one had ever been naïve enough to schedule a meeting with David Rose before ten a.m. No one ever made plans for breakfast, brunch, coffee, or anything else with David Rose before ten a.m. But the last two years had changed David Rose.

David walked into the kitchen in search of coffee to find his father sitting at the small breakfast table, his own cup of coffee and the paper in front of him. David moved through the kitchen to the coffee maker and pulled down a mug, filling it with the dark liquid in the machine before spooning heaps of sugar from the ornate sugar bowl that sat on the counter.

He moved over to sit down at the table across from his father. “Morning.” His voice was soft as he raised the mug to his lips and took a deep sip.

“Morning, son. Sleep okay?”

“Mmm. The bed here was always comfortable.”

Johnny nodded, flipping another page in the paper. “What are your plans for today?”

David sat back in his chair, the mug still grasped in his hands. “Whatever Alexis needs. I know she’s doing a final fitting and meeting with the florist to make sure everything is set. I’ll just… tag along with her.”

Johnny nodded, glancing at David over the rim of his glasses. “And this evening…”

“Will be fine.” Johnny continued to stare at his son. “I promise. No theatrics. At least not from me.” David took another sip, his eyes cast down into his mug. “Trust me. Ruining one celebration for Alexis is enough for a lifetime.”

“You know, your mother and I…”

“Morning!” David looked up and smiled at his sister, saved from whatever his father was about to say by her entrance. He watched as she walked over to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water, her running clothes tight across her narrow frame as a pair of headphones hung around her neck.

“Morning, Alexis.” Johnny smiled at his youngest child, his demeanor shifting as she moved towards them. “Ready for today?”

“Mmmm. Totally. David.” She tapped her perfectly manicured fingers across his shoulder. “My fitting is at 10 if you want to come.”

David nodded and stood, moving to place his now empty mug in the sink. As he walked towards the door, he heard his sister and father exchange a few words before Alexis was suddenly at his side, her high ponytail swinging with her movement. “You sure you’re up for this?”

David smiled softly as they started to climb the stairs, arm in arm. “Yeah. I… I was going to go to a meeting at 9, though. You could… you could come with me if you wanted to.” He paused outside of Alexis’s childhood bedroom, knowing she had moved back in for the last few days before her nuptials.

“Are you sure?” David nodded. Alexis leaned up and booped his nose. “Love that.”

David rolled his eyes good naturedly before moving across the hall to his own childhood bedroom to get ready for the day ahead.

*****

They sat next to each other in the basement of a church in Elmdale, Alexis twisting her engagement ring round her finger as David sat calmly, a paper cup of water in his hands. She watched in silence as David repeated phrases along with everyone else and found herself impressed in the calm demeanor that had seemed to fall over her brother.

Though she knew the format of the meeting, she had never been to one herself. She had discussed with David his attendance at them, and knew that he sometimes brought Stevie with him, but despite their nearly daily communication, they hadn’t spent a ton of time in each other’s presence in the last few years.

Alexis sat back as the woman who was leading the meeting stood behind a small podium. “Okay… Who would like to share today?”

To Alexis’s shock, David raised his hand. The woman indicated David and nodded before taking her own seat. David stood, handed Alexis his cup, and walked up to the podium. Alexis had never witnessed David speak publicly. He always found a way to get out of it at their parents’ parties, never joined debate team or attempted to be the lead in the school play. Instead, her anxious artistic brother flourished in a one-on-one situation. He could charm any Hollywood starlet at her mother’s wrap parties, talk his way out of any traffic ticket, and convince even the poorest man that he desperately needed the $7,000 painting from his gallery. But in front of a crowd? Even one as small as this? Alexis wouldn’t have believed it if she hadn’t been sitting there herself.

David positioned himself behind the podium, shifted his sweater to sit more smoothly around his waist and took a deep breath before looking out at the small crowd in the dingey church basement. He locked eyes with Alexis for a moment, a smile flittering across his face.

“Hi. My name is David, and I’m an addict.”

“Hi, David.” Alexis blinked as every member of the crowd echoed back to him.

“Today, I am celebrating ten months sober.” David took a deep breath, his gaze falling to his sister once again. “Ten years ago, when I moved away, I promised myself that I’d never come back. And for a long time, I kept that promise. I led the life that I had always wanted. And in doing so, I let myself fall into the type of crowd that my family had moved here to avoid. But thanks to my best friend, and my amazing sister…” he glanced up and smiled softly at Alexis, “I was able to get clean, get sober.” He took another deep breath and cleared his throat. “But… eleven months ago, I came home. And all the things that I had run away from came crashing back upon me and I fell. I threw away thirteen months of sobriety for a month of anguish and despair.”

He tipped his head back towards the ceiling and blinked away the tears that were swimming in his eyes, blurring his vision. He swiped a finger under each eye, brushing away the few errant tears that had fallen. When he looked back out at the crowd, he met Alexis’s gaze once again, smiling softly as he saw the tears falling down her cheeks. “I never wanted to come back. I never wanted to face what I had done, not only to myself, but to my sister. She was the only reason I got clean two years ago, and she’s the reason I’m standing here now. So… I’m David. And I’m an addict. Today I celebrate ten months sober. And tomorrow I get to stand next to my sister and watch as she marries her best friend.”

Forty-five minutes later as they walked out to Alexis’s car, she looped her arm through his and leaned into his shoulder. “Thank you for bringing me, David.”

“I just wanted you to know… I don’t stay sober for you. I do that for me. But I never want to make you ashamed of being my sister ever again. And I remember that every day when I make the choice to stay sober.”

Alexis leaned against her car and grinned at him over the roof. “I am proud, every day, to be your sister. I was proud that day. But today?” She shook her words. “I’ve never been so proud. You’ve always been my hero, David. And I wouldn’t want anyone else standing beside me tomorrow.”

David pushed his smile to the side of his face trying to stop the massive grin he could feel from pushing through. He shook his head and brushed the tears off his cheeks. “Ugh. Enough sentiment for the day, please. We’re going to be late for your fitting.”

They each climbed into the vehicle and buckled before Alexis pulled out of the parking lot and on to the streets of Elmdale, navigating to the small bridal boutique a few streets away. As they clambered back out of the vehicle and made their way inside the boutique, David pointed at the garish dress in the window, it’s see-through lace and fake crystals assaulting David’s eyes.

“Oh look, they put your dress as the window display.” David smirked as he held the door open for her.

“Ew, David! That’s so mean!” Alexis smacked his arm with the back of her hand as she walked past him into the shop.

*****

David sat on the little velvet couch and tried not to judge everything in his eyesight. Sure, he’d grown a lot as a person over the last few years, but he still had his opinions. And he knew above all, his were always the correct ones. He leaned back into the cushions, hating the color but appreciating the comfortability of them, and took a sip from the sparkling cider he had been given. David didn’t often miss much about his past, but sparkling cider would never be able to hold a flame to true champagne.

He let his eyes drift over the dresses that were on display once again as he waited for Alexis to emerge. Glancing at what was there, he wasn’t convinced she was going to come out looking the way he wanted her to. Yes, it was Alexis’s wedding, and no, she hadn’t asked him for his help when picking out her dress all those months ago, but he knew that if it was anything like the dresses that lined the little area he was sitting in, he was going to have a hell of a time keeping his opinion off his face.

Just as he was about to pull out his phone and start scrolling, the curtain in front of him shifted and Alexis stood before him.

David gasped and brought a hand up to cover his mouth.

“Be honest.”

“Mmmk. First off, have I ever been anything but?” David raised his eyebrow at her. “Second, you got his dress _here_?”

“Hardly. I got it in Toronto. I just had them do the alterations.” She did a small spin. “So…?”

David stood, shaking his head, and walked over to her. “Alexis…” he took in the A-line skirt, the delicate lace details, the way it hugged her frame perfectly. “You look stunning.” She grinned at him, bouncing on the balls of her feet slightly. “Very Duchess of Cambridge.”

“Mmm. But Ted’s way hotter than Wills.”

“And won’t act like he’s too good to make out with you just because Harry got there first.”

“Ugh, he was so whiny. You’d think it was back-to-back and not months apart.” She rolled her eyes and flipped her hair back behind her shoulder. She turned and looked at the full-length mirror behind her, smoothing the silk of the dress down across her hips. “So it’s okay?”

David tilted his head as he looked at her in the mirror, his arms coming up, crossing across his chest. “Stop fishing for compliments. It’s not cute.” He grinned at her in the mirror.

“Odds of Mom upstaging me tomorrow?”

“In this dress? She’d have to come in dressed like the Pope for that to happen. And even then?” He shrugged. “Doubtful.” Alexis preened at his words. “At least not at the ceremony. The reception… we may need to hide any and all microphones from her.

“Oh, don’t worry.” Alexis grinned, turning towards him. “The band leader has already been informed. And if she even _looks_ like she’s heading towards the stage, Ronnie’s on standby to intervene.”

“Wow. Ronnie. Not someone I’d want to cross. Solid choice.” He moved to go sit back on the little couch, giving Alexis the ability to change behind the curtain again. “I’m going to assume she’s also going to be watching me all night.”

“Is there any reason she should?” Alexis’s voice came muffled from behind the curtain.

“No.”

The curtain was pushed aside once more as Alexis emerged back in her regular clothes, her gown now zipped up in its protective garment bag. She pulled the hanger off the hook and draped it gently over her arms. “Then you have nothing to worry about.”

David stood and took the gown from her hands, draping it carefully to ensure that no part of it was dragging on the ground, even with the protective garment bag encasing it. They made their way out of the shop, Alexis thanking the alteration team as they left. David laid the gown carefully in the backseat, keeping it flat to avoid any wrinkles as they finished their errands.

“But yes…” Alexis smiled as she turned the car back towards Schitt’s Creek, heading back to the house where the florist and her wedding planner were waiting for their final appointment of the day before the rehearsal and dinner that evening. “Any indication that things are about to go like last year and Ronnie will take you out. No matter how much she’s always liked you.”

David snorted. “I have no doubt.”

*****

David made his way through the house to the back garden as Alexis detoured up to her childhood bedroom to stow away her gown. The florist and her team were already there, setting up the greenery and other flowers that wouldn’t wilt overnight. He stood back and watched as delicate sprigs of greenery were woven together, creating an intricate chuppah for Alexis and Ted to stand under.

He was a little skeptical when Alexis told him she was getting married in their parents back garden. Sure, the garden wasn’t your typical suburban home garden, it was massive and there was more than enough room for the ceremony. And yes, the ballroom, for it truly couldn’t be called anything else, which opened up to the back patio, was more than big enough to hold not only the dinner but a dance floor, leaving the patio and gardens free for people to use during the reception… it made sense when David really stopped to think about it. But after what had happened at the engagement party, held in this exact place, David wasn’t so sure if the situation were reversed, he’d have made the same choices.

Alexis appeared a moment later by his side. “Oh my god. Love this!” She stepped forward into the garden and grabbed the florist, beckoning over her wedding planner who had been talking to a staff member nearby, and going over every last detail as the team finished their work.

David turned away from their conversation and wandered back into the ballroom, where the regular furniture had been removed, instead the edges of the room were stacked with tables and chairs that would be set up in the morning, while a few tables were already out and being set for the rehearsal dinner that night.

David walked over to a side table where buckets had been placed, filled with the flowers that would be carried and worn by the wedding party the next day. He looked at each bouquet and boutonniere one by one, noting the place cards tacked on the buckets indicating each individual by title and name. He paused at the bucket with his name on it and glanced down at the bouquet meant for him. It wasn’t _quite_ what he would have chosen for his own nuptials, but it fit for Alexis’s.

He had been surprised, after everything, that Alexis still wanted him as part of her wedding party. He wouldn’t have blamed her, or held it against her, if she had reneged on her original request, but Alexis had stood strong in her conviction.

“ _You’re my brother, David. Of course, I want you standing beside me._ ”

He glanced at the bouquet next to his, the card indicating that it was for Twyla, Alexis’s maid of honor, and smiled. He’d always liked Twyla when they were growing up. She was a sweet girl with some seriously deranged stories from her childhood who, no matter what the situation, always found the bright side of things. Even through all of the crazy adventures that Alexis had gone through in her late teens and early twenties, Twyla had always been in Schitt’s Creek, always ready to pick their friendship back up as though no time had passed.

Alexis’s bridal bouquet stood in its own bucket, cascading and flowing, it was beautiful and would complement her dress in the most perfect way. David fingered a petal of one of the large white roses, smiling softly to himself. Never in his wildest dreams did he think his adventurous little sister would ever get here. He’d spent too much of his time in college and mid-twenties shipping out emergency passports and colored contacts, flying to parts unknown at a moment’s notice to get Alexis to ever think she’d settle down with dorky animal loving Ted Mullins here, in Schitt’s Creek of all places.

But time changes everything, that he knew. And no one was a finer example of that then David himself. He smiled at the tray of boutonnieres and the way they matched their corresponding bridal party counterpart perfectly. Ted’s made of the same white roses in Alexis’s bouquet, the one labeled “groomsman – Mutt Schitt” matching David’s own. David’s heart skipped a beat when he glanced down at the one for the best man.

He traced his finger over the carefully written label, swallowing around the lump that had risen in his throat. After everything that had happened in the last eleven months, it had completely escaped David’s memory that this was a very real possibility.

He was startled out of his trance like state when Alexis, the florist, the wedding planner, and Ted suddenly appeared by his side.

“Hey big guy!” Ted grinned, slapping a friendly hand onto David’s shoulder.

David hummed through a tight smile as he listened to Alexis’s joy at seeing the bouquets and boutonnieres for the first time.

“Babe! Look how cute! You and I match! And David… your bouquet goes perfectly with Mutt’s! Awww and Twy and Patrick’s!”

David nodded, not trusting himself to speak as his sister invoked the name of the one person he had been avoiding for almost a decade. He zoned out slightly as Alexis finalized the details with the florist and her wedding planner.

“David? David…. David!”

He jolted back to reality as Alexis’s voice broke through. “Sorry. I don’t… sorry. What?”

Alexis eyed him curiously before she exchanged glances with Ted. “I was just saying we should probably go change, everyone will be here soon.”

“Right. Yes. Absolutely.” He blinked a few times, trying to shake the remaining cobwebs from his brain.

“Are you sure you’re okay, David?” Ted asked, concerned, as he suddenly grasped David’s arm, placing two fingers over the pulse point on David’s wrist.

David sighed but let Ted keep his hand there. “I’m _fine_. I just zoned out for a minute. Honest.”

Ted eyed him for a moment longer before dropping his wrist. “Okay.”

“I’m going to…” He flipped his wrist around, twirling his finger through the air before exiting the room and making his way down the hall towards the stairs. 

Alexis caught up to him just as he began to make his way up to his room. “You _sure_ you’re going to be okay?” She looped her arm through his as they continued up the stairs.

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think I could handle it, Alexis.”

“I know… It’s just you haven’t seen most of these people since…”

“Since I ruined everything last year?”

“You didn’t _ruin_ everything, David. Just…” She took a deep breath and turned toward him outside their respective rooms. “Just promise me tonight or tomorrow won’t end with you yelling at Patrick on the patio again.”

“It’s highly unlikely he and I will speak at all.”

“I mean it, David.”

“I promise Alexis. No fights, no screaming, no drama. Not from me.” Alexis smiled, booping him on the nose before disappearing in her room.

David sighed as he pushed open the door to his own room. He closed the door softly and leaned heavily against it, letting his head fall, his chin hitting his chest.

He knew the likelihood of getting out of this weekend without seeing Patrick Brewer had been minimal. If nothing else, he fully expected to see him tomorrow night at the wedding. But it had never occurred to him that he’d be Ted’s best man. He thought he had another twenty-four hours to prepare himself for that eventuality, not two.

He should have known better. In a town this small, the friends you had in high school often remained your friends long after. And Patrick and Ted had always been close. Even after the Roses had moved to town and David had become Patrick’s closest friend…

David pushed himself off the door and headed towards the bathroom. He could do this. He could get through the rehearsal and the dinner even with Patrick and his loud eyes in the room.

He just needed to get through tonight and tomorrow and then he was free to head back to New York and the life that awaited him there.

God, he wished he could have a drink.

*****

David could never understand the concept behind a wedding rehearsal. It’s a group of grown adults walking in a straight line, standing still, and then reversing back down that straight line. Even at his worst, David had always been able to walk in a straight line. For the most part.

Still, he knew it was par for the course when agreeing to be a member of his sister’s wedding party. So, he would walk in a straight line, stand next to Twyla and avoided eye contact with the expressive eyes across the way.

He clocked Patrick the second he walked into the room. Coming back down the stairs from getting ready, David had practiced his deep breathing as he forced himself to keep a straight face and enter the ballroom. The rest of the wedding party were all congregating at the doors to the garden; Ted, Mutt, Twyla, Alexis, and Patrick all stood talking quietly between them. Even with his back to him, David could pick out Patrick.

David steadied himself with another deep breath and continued across the cavernous room, the sound of his shoes echoing off the walls as the massive room was void of its usual furniture. Twyla was the first to look up at the sound, her face lighting up. “David!”

Four other heads swiveled to look in his direction and David smiled tightly, forcing himself to keep his gaze between Twyla and his sister.

“Finally, David.”

“You said six thirty, Alexis.”

“It’s six thirty-one.”

David rolled his eyes as he approached the group, placing himself between Twyla and Mutt. “Jump off a bridge, please.” He smiled sarcastically at her as the group around them laughed.

“Good to know some things never change.” Mutt smirked next to him.

David smiled back, nodding before slipping his hands into his pockets and looking down at his shoes. An awkward silence hung over the air for only a moment before the wedding planner appeared and ushered them all into the garden.

David allowed himself to fall away into the gentle directions of the wedding planner, listening and following directions without comment or being truly present. He smiled when he felt it necessary and kept his internal comments to himself as they were told where to stand, when to move and in what order they would be walking.

He could feel a pair of deep brown eyes seeking out his own as they all stood under the partially completed chuppah, but he used every ounce of will that he had left to keep his eyes on his sister under the guise of being completely and totally enthralled with the directions being handed down on when rings would be exchanged and vows said.

He allowed himself to exhale softly as they all retreated, his sister and Ted followed by Twyla and Patrick before he found himself linking arms with Mutt as they made their way back into the ballroom. As the rehearsal ended, could feel Patrick moving towards him and had never been so thankful to be pulled away to deal with his mother and her wig emergency.

By the time he returned, Moira’s outfit having been saved from the disaster of a clashing wig, everyone had taken their seats, with only a few left to be filled. He found himself once again between Twyla and Mutt where he could easily hide inside their conversation. He found himself lost several times over the course of the evening, wondering equally what kind of people went foraging for pinecones and how he had survived the last ten years without them.

As the evening began to wind down David slipped away from the small party and escaped to the bar that had already been set up in the corner. It had started to feel crowded in the room, despite the room’s size and the small number of people inside of it. It would be easier tomorrow, when most of the town and a handful of out-of-town guests filled the space. Easier to drift into obscurity and hide.

He slipped behind the bar and dug out a glass. He thought about ducking into the kitchen for ice but decided against it as he found the bottle of tonic water. He filled the small glass quickly, placing the bottle back as he looked for the garnishes he had seen the staff cutting up earlier. He grabbed a lime wedge and squeezed it into the tonic water before dropping the wedge into the glass, smashing it down with a cocktail straw as he did.

He raised the glass to his lips and took a deep sip before he looked up and found himself eye to eye with his childhood best friend.

“Hi.”


	2. I Could Feel Myself Growing Colder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The incident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for continuing on this journey with me.
> 
> Chapter title comes from Mazzy Star's "Into Dust"
> 
> \-----
> 
> Content Warning: Alcohol and drug abuse. Vague mentions and depictions of an eating disorder. Reader discretion is advised.

_Eleven Months Ago_

There were a myriad of things David would rather have been doing than walking through the front door of his parents’ house. Taking the SATs again. Having a root canal without Novocain. Getting a spinal tap without any sort of anesthetic. Moderating the _Sunset Bay_ message boards. All were preferable to walking back into the house he had left nine years prior and never looked back.

The last year had been a struggle to say the least.

David took a deep breath and pushed the door open. If he could get through being sober for the last thirteen months, he could get through this weekend. It helped that he had kept the visit as short as possible. He was really only there for Alexis’s party that evening. He was staying the extra night to appease his parents and their guilt inducing phone calls that had been clogging up his voicemail for the past three months.

He smiled as one of the many staff members walked into the foyer, undoubtedly having been alerted to the front door being opened by one of the old school bells that hung in the kitchen. His mother had the house redesigned while David was in college after spending a month shooting on location at an English estate that was built in the early 1800s. Moira Rose wasn’t exactly subtle about her reliance on their staff and having a very _Downton Abbey_ feel to their home only helped solidify the idea that she was a Duchess. At least in her mind.

He handed off his suitcase to the staff member to take upstairs and was directed towards the sitting room. He walked in to find his parents sitting together, the newspaper in his father’s hands as his mother flipped through what looked like script pages.

Johnny and Moira Rose had adapted to life in Schitt’s Creek better than any of them. When they uprooted their children after David’s first DUI and Alexis’s first narrow escape from a dangerous country, no one had expected them to flourish. And while David and Alexis had found a way to get out of town, at least for a while, Johnny and Moira embraced the community. Johnny shifted the headquarters of Rose Video to Toronto, allowing him to work from home most days, driving to the city only when he needed to. Moira took longer breaks between acting jobs, instead finding joy in town council and the local Jazzagals singing group.

Despite those facts and having called this house home for almost two decades, it still seemed odd to find them here to David. His parents seemed too big for this town, too ostentatious. But perhaps that’s just what David wanted to believe, always hoping that he’d never have to come back to this town, and the heartache he felt here, again.

“Hey.” Both of his parents glanced up as he entered the room.

“David! Welcome home, son.”

“Hello, darling.” Moira picked up the small bell next to her, the clanging ringing out over the house. Another member of staff appeared as David took a seat on the uncomfortable couch across from them. “Tea, David?”

“Tea would be great.” He turned towards the staff member. “Thanks.”

The three of them sat in silence for a moment as David waited for the teacup to be brought to him. Once the staff retreated again and David had taken a deep sip from the cup, his father took it upon himself to break the silence.

“So, how long should we expect to be able to see you for?”

“I’m here till Monday.” David responded, placing the cup in his lap. “I told you. I can’t stay longer than that, I have a meeting Tuesday morning at the gallery.”

“Right. Right.” Johnny pursed his lips, pulling the newspaper back up, covering his face as he went back to the article he was reading.

“And how is that going, David?” Moira questioned around a sip of her own tea.

“The gallery?” David asked, turning towards his mother. She nodded as she placed her cup down on the table between her and Johnny. “Fine. Good. Busy.” Moira eyed him cautiously for a moment. “I know… I know you were both… _concerned_ with me going back to the gallery after, after everything. But it’s been really good.”

“We just want what’s best for you, son. And your recovery.”

“And I appreciate that. But I’m fine.” He brushed his hands across his black jeans as he stood. “I wish the two of you would trust me as much as the gallery does.” He cleared his throat. “Is Alexis here?”

“Your sister is currently out with Theodore, but she should be home anon, as Ana should be here shortly to begin her styling.”

David nodded and began to make his way out of the room. “Great. I’ll just go get ready myself.”

He retreated quickly heading for the staircase, running into his sister as she walked through the front door.

“Oh thank _God_.” He breathed as she closed the door behind her.

“You’ve been here like 10 minutes. It can’t be _that_ bad already.” Alexis snarked.

“Trust me. It is.” He grabbed her arm and began pulling her up the stairs. “Remind me again why I agreed to come home this weekend?”

“Um, because it’s my _engagement party_ , David and you love me.”

“That’s under review.”

*****

David lounged back against the headboard of Alexis’s bed as he watched her being floated around by his mother’s hair and makeup team, as they prepared her for the party that was only an hour away.

“So how many people are coming tonight.”

Alexis shrugged slightly, her eyes closed as eyeshadow was swept gracefully across her lids. “I don’t know, David. Everyone. My friends. Ted’s friends. Most of the town.”

David groaned. “So I can look forward to being accosted by Roland tonight?”

“Probably, David. You haven’t been home in almost ten years. You can expect a lot of people to want to talk to you.”

David groaned again, rubbing his hands across his face. “Is there going to be _anyone_ here that I can stand?”

Alexis scoffed. “Yes, David. Me. And Ted.”

“Ted’s like… four puns away from being moved to my shit list.”

“Twyla.” David nodded in agreement. “Mutt.”

“Eh.”

“Patrick.”

David’s heart stopped. “Oh. I… I didn’t realize you two were still friends.”

Alexis shrugged, tilting her head slightly before being forced to straighten it by the stylist standing behind her wielding a curling iron. “Ummm, he’s more _Ted’s_ friend than mine. I don’t exactly make it a point of hanging out with your old crew.”

“Ew. I didn’t have a _crew_.” David shifted uncomfortably on the bed. “I had a carefully curated selection of acquaintances.”

“Acquaintances? Patrick was more than an acquaintance, David. He was your best friend.”

David shrugged. “That was a long time ago.” His voice was soft, his gaze to his feet. “Whatever. It’ll be nice to see him and Rachel, I guess.”

“Mmm, I doubt you’ll see them together. I told you, they broke up like… over a year ago.”

David rolled his eyes and stood, heading towards the door. “It’s Patrick and Rachel. They always break up. It’s what they do.”

“I don’t think so, David. This time is pretty permanent. Patrick… let’s just say things have changed.”

David paused by the door, nodding. “Sure. I’m going to go get changed.”

“Try and make yourself presentable, won’t you?” She grinned at him through the mirror.

“Suck on a drainpipe.” He snarked back sweetly before exiting her room and crossing to his own.

*****

David stood in the back of the room and surveyed the crowd as they mingled, danced, drank, and ate around the ballroom in his parent’s house. The room was filled with almost every person in all of Schitt’s Creek, a smattering of Ted’s veterinary friends, and a very small contingent of Alexis’s vapid crowd from her wilder days.

He stood against the back wall and nursed the tonic water and lime in his hand. In the short time since the party got fully underway, David had been approached by Ronnie, Roland and Jocelyn, Bob, Ray, half the members of the Jazzagals, and Gwen, whomever that was. He knew there were more people who were dying to speak to him, kept seeing them look over to him wherever he was throughout the room.

It was for this reason alone that he kept disappearing into the kitchen under the guise of getting more ice, or taking a phone call, or anything else he could think of.

The party had really only been up and running for about thirty minutes, and he had already found himself hiding in the kitchen on six occasions. Not exactly comforting in David’s eyes.

“There you are David.” His mother’s drawling accent floated over to him, startling him out of the quiet trance he had fallen into while people watching. “The photographer has finally showed up and is looking to get some stills of the family.”

David rolled his eyes before looking over where his mother had indicated where the fashionably late photographer now stood.

David felt his blood run cold and his heart stop at the sight of the man standing on the other side of the room, taking photos of the crowd.

“What the fuck…” His whisper carried over to his mother, forcing Moira to glance over at her son. “You hired Sebastien Raine?!”

“Of course! He’s a wonderful photographer, David. He’s done portraits for all the major publications of only the most glamorous people. We’re using tonight’s party as a trial run for the wedding.”

David let out a pitiful squeak at the prospect as his sister suddenly appeared at his side. “Um, David. _What_ is Sebastien doing here?”

“He’s here to photograph us of course!” Moira declared.

“What do you mean _of course_?” Alexis gripped David’s arm as she turned on her mother. “Did you _invite_ him here?”

“Alexis! You know how I like to keep up with the most avante garde and impressive photographers! And Sebastien Raine is exactly that.”

“He’s a monster who uses people and leaves them for dead.” David’s voice was strangled as his eyes darted around the room.

“Well that’s hyperbolic, David.”

“Mother.” Alexis’s voice was sharp and stern. “You invited David’s ex here to photograph us.”

“When did you date Sebastien Raine?” Moira asked incredulously, her voice full of doubt.

David turned and stared at his mother, his face a stone wall. “We dated for three months. Four if you could when he was seeing other people. It ended fifteen months ago.” He kept his eyes locked on Moira, silently begging her to do the math without him having to explicitly say it.

“Fifteen months… David. That is far too specific for such a short-lived affair.”

“Yes, well when you’re newly sober you tend to break everything down into how long it’s been since.” David looked away from her, drinking deeply from his glass, wishing for the first time all night that it was filled with something other than tonic water.

“Well he’s here now, David. There’s not much I can do.” Moira threw up her hands before stalking away.

“David…”

“It’s fine Alexis.” David took a deep, steadying breath before turning his gaze upon Alexis. He could see the trepidation in her eyes, feel the grip of her perfectly manicured nails on his arm. “Really. I’ll just… keep clear of him as much as I can. It’s a big room. Lots of people. Shouldn’t be that hard.” She stared at him with soft eyes. “Promise.” He smiled tightly, draining his glass before placing it on the tray of a passing waiter. “Let’s go get the formal shots out of the way and then I can pretend he doesn’t exist the rest of the night.”

Alexis smiled, looped her arm through his and walked together, a united front, towards Ted and their parents.

*****

David got through exactly three minutes in Sebastien’s presence before he felt like he was going to crawl out of his skin.

He stood off to the side on the garden patio, as Sebastien took picture after picture of his sister and Ted. Added in each set of parents, and finally, David. He let himself be ordered into this position and that, trying desperately the whole time to ignore who it was that was giving him directions.

More than anything, David was waging a war within himself not to fall under Sebastien’s charm once again.

Just when he thought he could sneak away, find safety in the kitchen for a few moments or dash up to his room under the pretense of needing to fix his hair or his suit, David found himself face to face with Sebastien.

“David…” Sebastien’s unaffected drawl pierced through his skin as he cornered David by the door heading back into the ballroom after everyone else had returned to the party.

“Sebastien.” He tried unsuccessfully to move off to the side and around Sebastien. Instead, he found his face framed by Sebastien’s artfully callused fingers.

“You look so… healthy.” David blinked at him. “Certainly not where you were when we were together but…”

“I should…” David tried to pry his face away from Sebastien’s grip but found himself stuck.

“I was so moved when your mother reached out to me to photograph your sister’s wedding. It’ll really give us the opportunity to clear the air.”

“Mmm.”

“I want you to know, I care deeply about what happened between us. And even though my therapist told me I should never feel sorrow…”

“Okay.” David pushed back from him, placing as much distance between them as the space allowed. “It’s been… a time. But I should be getting back.”

“Let me get you a drink and we can talk.”

“I don’t… do that. Anymore.” David took another step back. “So. I’ll just… yup.” He turned on his heel and walked back into the ballroom.

As he stepped back into the room, he searched in vain for anyone who he could flee to in solace. His parents were engrossed in a conversation with Roland and Jocelyn while Alexis and Ted were speaking to a couple David couldn’t pick out. Needing a moment of refuge, he turned instead into the kitchen and slipped through the catering staff to sit at the table in the back corner.

*****

David gave himself ten minutes of hiding before forcing himself out of the kitchen and back into the throngs of people there to celebrate his sister. As he walked back in the room, he made a careful scan of the place, clocking Sebastien on the other side of the room. Sighing, he moved further through the crowd.

He stood near the doors to the garden patio and watched all the people he had grown up with interact with each other. He hadn’t realized until this moment how much he missed them. When he ran away to New York he told himself he’d never come back. He threw himself into being in that world, cultivating his career at the best galleries in the city, going to the best clubs and restaurants, spending his time with whomever helped him get to where he wanted.

In the intervening nine years, David worked really hard to convince himself that he was happy. He worked even harder to convince everyone in his life. Whenever his sister or his family visited him in New York he had put on a show, the _Isn’t My Life Wonderful Show_. And every time they left David found himself sinking further and further into the darkness.

The last year of David’s life had been full of changes and realizations, none more than the fact that New York maybe wasn’t where he was supposed to be. He looked around the room, at all the people he had come to think of as home, and knew it was probably time to leave New York. He didn’t belong there anymore. But he didn’t know if he belonged in Schitt’s Creek either. There was nothing in Schitt’s Creek that had ever made David feel that way.

Well. There was _one_ thing.

David’s gaze fell upon his sister and the group around her. It was as though he was looking back in time; his effervescent little sister surround by a group of friends and admirers, fawning over something that she had done, or was wearing. He smiled softly as he watched Twyla and Mutt and Ted laugh at something she had said.

But it was the man to Ted’s left that had truly caught David’s eye. In the last nine years, David had gone out of his way to avoid any and all information about Patrick Brewer. The first two years after he left, he had done it purely to protect himself. The idea of seeing or hearing anything about Patrick’s happy life… it was too much for him.

Standing there now, David didn’t know how he had ever lived without seeing him every single day. Even from across the room he could feel the glow of being around Patrick. His smile was infectious, and David could tell it was catching to everyone around him.

He thought back to what Alexis had told him earlier in the day, that Patrick and Rachel had broken up, seemingly for good. He knew he didn’t have a chance, truly. David had known his feelings for Patrick would be unrequited since he was sixteen. But maybe, _maybe_ he could be around him again. He could never be with him, but it had been nine years. Maybe he could come back…

David pulled himself straighter and smoothed his jacket down. He took a deep breath and took one step forward before every cell in his body came to a shuddering stop as he witnessed Rachel walk up to Patrick, hand him a drink, and Patrick wrap his arm around her waist, before placing a kiss on Rachel’s cheek.

So much for that permanent break up.

He watched as Rachel curled further into him, leaning up to whisper something in Patrick’s ear. David felt his heart shatter as he watched the smile break out across Patrick’s face. David watched them for a moment longer before turning around and attempting to head in a different direction and instead found himself face to face once again with Sebastien.

“Ugh. No.”

“David. I feel you and I have unfinished business and I want to explore that. Maybe even… physically.” He leaned in further to David and slipped a small bag into the inside pocket of David’s jacket. Sebastien ran his hand down David’s chest inside the jacket, resting on David’s belt. “I’m heading back to New York tonight. I’d love for you to join me and we can relight that spark we once had.”

David rolled his eyes as he watched Sebastien walk away. He reached into the inside pocket and pulled out the little bag to find three small pills sitting inside of it. He stared down at them in his hand before slipping them into his pants pocket and walking over to the bar. He placed his hands on the bar top and stared down at them. He tapped his fingers against the bar top and took a deep breath.

“Can I get you anything?” David looked up and met the bartender’s patient gaze.

David blinked at him. “Shot of Patron.” The bartender nodded and turned away for a moment, returning with a shot glass, full to the brim.

David stared down at the shot and thought about what he was doing for a moment. Just as he was about to walk away, he heard a breathy high laugh ring out over the room. Rachel’s laugh. He grabbed the shot and quickly downed it before beckoning the bartender back over.

“Another shot. And three fingers of whiskey. Neat.” The bartender nodded and turned away. As he waited, David pulled the little baggy out of his pocket and slipped one of the pills out. He smiled in thanks as the bartender placed the drinks in front of him before placing one of the small pills on his tongue, washing it down with the shot of tequila.

He grabbed the glass of whiskey and turned back to the room, his gaze immediately seeking out Sebastien in the corner. His camera was raised as he took shots of the room, but the second David’s gaze found him, Sebastien lowered the lens and tilted his head, beckoning David over.

David took a sip of the whiskey before heading in that direction.

*****

David wasn’t sure how much time had passed, or how many drinks he’d consumed. Every time he had the thought that his glass was almost empty, he’d look down to find it refilled in his hand.

If he had been sober, he would have noticed the glances he was getting from the table across the room, would have noticed the anxious look that was flitting across his sister’s face. He would have noticed the way she seemingly out of nowhere began to go quiet. He would have noticed a pair of loud caramel eyes never wavering from him.

When Sebastien walked away to take a few more pictures of the party, David found himself wandering towards the doors to the back garden patio. His glass had been magically filled again and as he stepped outside into the cool night air he pulled the little bag of pills back out of his pocket.

He looked down at the two pills that remained. Somewhere in the recesses of his brain, the part that was screaming for him to stop, David knew what this meant. He knew he had effectively thrown away the last thirteen months of his life. He knew in the morning he’d regret every choice he was making. But the other part of his brain, the louder part, was reminding him how good it felt to let the white noise in his head take over.

He stood against the ornate stone wall at the edge of the patio and looked out at the vast gardens before him. When they were first completed shortly after the Roses had moved in, David used to wander through them, imagining himself as Mary Lennox, sent to live somewhere he didn’t belong finding solace in the gardens.

He placed a pill on his tongue and took a deep sip of whiskey, wishing himself back to those days.

“David?” He turned at the sound of his name and found himself face to face with his past.

“Patrick.” He tilted his head slightly, regarding the man standing before him. He had both grown up immensely and not changed at all since the last time David had spoken to him. His eyes were still too loud, and his features still retained their boyish charm. But David could see that he looked more comfortable in his own skin. He had abandoned his suit jacket at some point in the night and the white button up he wore clung to his frame. His sleeves were rolled up, exposing pale forearms, his hands hidden deep within the pockets of his dress pants.

He was a revelation and David wanted nothing more than to press himself up against him and let the world fall away.

He took another sip from his drink. “How are you?”

“David. What are you doing?” Concern was etched deeply across Patrick’s face.

David glanced down at himself before gesticulating with his free hand. “Last I checked, standing in the garden at my sister’s engagement party.” His voice was cold, a faint air of cruelty hanging behind it.

“David…” Patrick pulled his right hand out of his pocket and indicated the drink in David’s hand, a look of deep sorrow filling his eyes.

“Don’t-”

“David.” He was cut off by Sebastien appearing in the doorway. “My vision has been met here, there’s nothing else I can gleam from these people. Shall we?”

David nodded. “I just need to grab my stuff. I’ll meet you out front.”

Sebastien smirked at David and turned to leave, raking an eye appreciatively over Patrick’s frame before disappearing into the crowd behind him.

“David…” Patrick reached out, his hand resting against David’s arm, stopping him from entering the house.

“What!? What do you want from me?!” David spat back at him, wrenching his arm out of Patrick’s grip, he could feel the burn from his touch even through his jacket and button up.

“What do I… David. This isn’t you!”

“Let’s get one thing straight. You don’t know me. Not anymore. And you haven’t known me for a long time.”

“And who’s fault is that? You ran away, David, not me.” Patrick kept his voice low even as David’s began to rise.

David snorted, taking another drink from the glass in his hand. “Don’t act like you’ve missed me, Patrick. It’s beneath you.”

“Dating this fucking asshole is beneath _you_.” He flung his hand out toward the door to the ballroom, his anger flaring.

“We attract the love we deserve. Isn’t that what you once told me?”

“You don’t believe that.”

Patrick’s voice had taken on a note of pity and David couldn’t stand it. He needed it to stop, he needed to hit back. “You know what, I don’t need this shit from you of all people.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“You’ve never taken a risk in your life. You live in your perfect little world, in this stupid fucking town, where everyone fawns over your every word. You have no idea what it’s like to… you don’t know what it’s like.” He knew his voice was loud now. Too loud. He could feel the gazes of the people in the ballroom looking out at the two of them. Could feel the judgement, the lack of surprise. But he was too far gone now to stop. “So, _fuck you_ , Patrick. Go back inside to your wife and stop pretending like you’ll spare even a _second_ thought once I walk away.”

David drained the rest of his glass and walked back into the ballroom. He shoved the empty glass at the first staff member he saw and continued out of the room and into the hallway, ignored the shouted “David!” from both his sister and his father.

When he got to the foyer, he found Sebastien, waiting with David’s bag at his feet. Without a word or a glance back, he grabbed the bag and lead Sebastien out the door.

*****

Three weeks later David found himself alone again, drunk and high in his apartment as Sebastien walked away for the second time, after proclaiming David far too needy to handle.

Three days after that, hung over and just wanting the furious knocking to stop, David opened his apartment door, to find Stevie Budd standing there, hands on her hips and a look of steely determination on her face.

After forcing him to take a shower she dragged him to a meeting, sitting in the back of the room, holding his hand, as the headache started to set in. She took him to the diner across the street afterwards and sat with him, patiently watching as he consumed his first full meal in almost a month, never once commenting on the fact that it took him two hours to do it.

Two weeks later she moved into his spare bedroom and every night they journeyed together to a meeting and then dinner.

Ten months after she pulled him out of the darkness, she sat on his bed as he packed his bags. “You sure you’re okay with going home?”

“I’m not looking forward to it, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“It’s not.”

David sighed and looked over at his friend. Never in a million years did he think the sarcastic barista he met his second day at NYU would be sitting in his room, let alone living in his second bedroom, all these years later. That she would be the main reason he was still alive.

“I’ll be okay. And if at any point I think I won’t be… I’ll go to a meeting.”

“You can call me, too, you know.”

“I know.” He zipped up his bag and hauled it over his shoulder.

“You’re not the same guy from last year, David. Don’t ever forget that.”

“How could I with your troll face constantly reminding me?”

She tilted her head and smirked at him. “I hope you’re sitting next to a screaming toddler who pukes on you halfway through the flight.”

“Mmm. Lovely. How will I ever survive these next few days without that charm by my side.”

She looked at him haughtily. “Safe flight.”

“Gross.” He grinned at her as he opened the door and walked out hoping that he wasn’t making another mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep wearing those masks kids. Get the vaccine if you're eligible to (and if not, when you are!)
> 
> Stay safe. Keep kind. Love each other.


	3. I Know You’ll be a Star in Somebody Else’s Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A conversation is to be had. Or at least, begun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title comes from Pearl Jam's "Black"
> 
> \-----
> 
> Content Warning: This chapter includes light discussion of addiction. Reader discretion is advised.

_Current Day_

“Hi.”

David swallowed and put his glass down on the bar in front of him. “Patrick. Hi.”

“David. I… I didn’t think you’d be here.”

“Well, she is my sister. Odds were high that I’d show up.”

“The last ten years are evidence against that.” Patrick’s rueful smile didn’t reach his eyes.

“ _Okay_ , it hasn’t been _ten_ years.”

“Nine years, six months, and three days.”

David blinked at the specificity of his statement. “Yes. Well. You’re not factoring in last year. It’s really only been eleven months.”

“And four days. Trust me. I remember.”

“Right.” David nodded repeatedly, his mind screaming for him to stop. He cleared his throat before taking another sip of his tonic water. “About that…”

“David, it’s-“

“No. Please. Um… it’s a thing, a-a step thing, so…”

Patrick nodded and gestured for David to continue. “Okay.”

“Last year… Last year… you didn’t deserve that. It wasn’t… I’m sorry.” Words failed him. David had gone over in his head innumerous times in the last eleven months what he would say to Patrick if he ever got the chance, not just to complete the steps in his recovery, but because he knew Patrick deserved it. But standing here now, looking at him, David couldn’t find the words he had practiced so often.

Patrick nodded and slipped his hands into his pockets. It was a familiar move to David, one that signaled Patrick’s discomfort in whatever situation he was in. He glanced behind him, noticing the small crowd milling about and knew that they were only a single moment away from being pulled back in.

“Do you…” Patrick tilted his head towards the door to the back garden.

David nodded and followed Patrick out of the room and on to the patio. David was dreading standing in that same spot with Patrick again but was surprised to find Patrick kept walking. He followed as Patrick moved down and into the gardens proper, heading down the path to David’s favorite spot.

David folded his arms protectively across his chest as he silently followed Patrick. There was no question about where Patrick was heading. They had found themselves walking down this path so often as teens that it even all these years later it was pure muscle memory.

David found his steps slowing the further into the garden they went. It had been a literal decade since he had wandered this far into the garden, his last trip home not exactly full of garden walks. He rounded a corner to the very back garden where he knew Patrick was waiting and paused on the path.

It was dark in this part of the garden, the solar powered lights that were scattered throughout the vast gardens were glowing softly around them, strings of twinkle lights winked at them from between the branches of the hedges that walled off the small back section. But the bright lights from the house were hidden by the tall hedges and the surrounding trees.

He registered Patrick moving to sit on the bench near the back of the small area, but David kept standing near the path. He slipped his hands into his pockets and tilted his head back, looking up to the sky.

The sky above him was clear from clouds, the inky black sky dotted spectacularly with stars. David took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he picked out the few constellations he knew. He had forgotten what it was like. The lights of the city that he surrounded himself in often drowned out the stars. Though he could look up from his balcony and see a few stars, it was never like this. Here, in the garden that kept all his secrets, it seemed as though the entire universe was at his fingertips.

When he looked back down at the world around him, he found Patrick sitting calmly on the bench, looking over at David. He sat back against the corner of the bench as though no time had passed, one leg crossed over the other, one arm stretched across the back. If David squinted, he could see seventeen-year-old Patrick sitting there, terrible jean shorts and ratty baseball hat pulled low over his eyes.

David moved into the garden and perched himself on the tree trunk that sat across from the bench, his legs stretch out in front of him, crossed at the ankles. He kept his hands deep in his pockets, trying to stop them from shaking. This was by far his least favorite step.

David Rose had never been great at apologies, even before his life fell into a dark hole of drugs and alcohol. It took something truly massive for David to admit he was wrong in the first place, let alone sorry for the way things had happened. He was pretty sure that if you took a survey of all the people he had spent a significant time with in his life, a very small handful of them would confidently say that they had ever been given an apology from him.

But since getting sober, David had been working on being able to admit when he was wrong. In the past ten months he had successfully made amends with his parents, his sister, the people he worked with at the gallery, Stevie, and a handful of other people in his life. This was the final act of contrition that he was dreading. He knew Patrick deserved an explanation, deserved the real explanation, not just the one David gave everyone else.

But old habits die hard, and David was never very good at learning new tricks.

He leaned back again and looked up at the stars. He hummed lightly and nodded his head upwards. “Orion.”

“You always could find that one.”

“A group of stars representing a huntsman known as the most handsome of the earthborn? Pretty safe to say I’m gonna find that one every time.”

Patrick snorted and seemed to relax back into the bench further. If David closed his eyes and listened to Patrick’s soft laugh he could almost pretend everything was fine, and that they were still two teens looking to hide from their parents and David’s nosey little sister.

“I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out what I did to make you leave.” Patrick’s voice was barely a whisper, but this deep in the garden the voices and sound of everyone else melted away and even a whisper could come across strong.

“What – Patrick you didn’t _do_ anything.”

“Really? Cause you just left. Stopped talking to everyone. Stopped talking to _me_.” Patrick shifted to lean forward, his elbows on his knees and looked up to meet David’s eyes. David couldn’t see anything but pain and hurt there. He’d seen that look twice before; last year at the engagement party and nine years prior when he said he was leaving. “You were my best friend and you just… vanished.”

“It-“

“And then. Last year…”

“That… that wasn’t anything you did.” David swallowed the lump in his throat and forced himself to keep eye contact with Patrick. “It wasn’t about you.”

“You screamed ‘fuck you’ at me. Felt like it was _a little bit_ about me.” Patrick’s pale eyebrows rose as the corner of his mouth quirked upwards.

David nodded, laughing softly. “Which answer do you want first?”

Patrick shrugged. “Fielder’s choice.”

“I don’t know what that means.” Patrick laughed, leaning back against the bench. He lifted a hand and indicated David should continue. _Okay_. David took a deep breath. He could do this.

“Why don’t you start with why you left. The first time.”

David stared at him for a moment taking in the soft features he had memorized so long ago. The dark eyes, the long lashes, the way his hair curled just ever so slightly at the ends teasing the true curls that would emerge when he let it grow longer, the scar in his eyebrow from an errant hockey puck in the eleventh grade. If given the opportunity David would lose himself in those features, drown in the depths of his eyes.

“Call it self preservation.”

“What?”

“Watching the man you’ve been in love with since you were sixteen marry someone else isn’t exactly what I’d call _great_ for anyone’s self-esteem. And we both know I’ve always had issues in that department.”

Patrick’s expression was unreadable. He blinked slowly at David, the wheels of his mind moving to comprehend everything David was telling him.

“I… I couldn’t watch you marry her. I couldn’t… I wanted you to be happy. Want. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. But to actually be confronted with it? I couldn’t stand up there next to you and watch you marry her. Choose her. Be with her. So I ran.” He shrugged letting his hands fall into his lap. He gripped a wide silver ring in his hand and began twisting it around his finger, his eyes cast down, trained on the silver blur as it spun.

“I thought, maybe, when I came back last year… Alexis had said you had broken up. And I thought I could do it. I could be around you again. I know I can’t – that you don’t –“ He shook his head furiously. He still wasn’t ready to admit out loud that Patrick could never give him what he wanted. It felt too final. He cleared his throat and soldiered on. “But when I saw you two together last year… something in me snapped.”

“I noticed.”

David smiled sadly, his eyes cast downward still. “Yeah. Not my finest hour. Not my worst but definitely top five. Easily.” He glanced up when he heard Patrick’s laugh.

“Good. I’d hate to have gone through all of that for it to not even break the top ten.”

“Oh no. Definitely up there. Nothing like falling off the wagon in a spectacular fashion in front of my parents and most of the town, at my sister’s engagement party and leaving with _Sebastien Raine_ , not to mention screaming at you on the patio to really ensure its place in the David Rose Fuck Up Hall of Fame.”

“You’re… you know, okay? Now?” Patrick asked, his voice failing slightly.

“Mmm. Yes. Had to start back at day one. Which… in case you were ever thinking of becoming an addict and then getting clean? Don’t _really_ recommend it?” The sentiment combined with the look on David’s face cracked a smile onto Patrick’s. David pushed his own smile between his teeth. “One day at a time, as they say. But yeah… I’m okay.” Patrick nodded. “Thank you. For asking.”

“Of course.”

David nodded and pushed himself off the tree stump. He turned toward the entrance to the garden but only got two steps before Patrick’s voice called out. “You… you said Alexis had told you Rachel and I broke up.”

David turned back to him. “Yeah.”

“Did she ever tell you why?”

“No.”

“David –“

“If it’s okay with you, I’d rather not.” Patrick pulled up short, a shocked look across his face. “It’s just…” David gestured with both hands at himself “this was a _lot_ and I’m… I need some time to process. If that, if that’s okay.”

“Sure, David.”

David pressed his lips together and nodded.

Patrick stood, his hands back in his pockets as he looked around the garden. “I always liked it back here.” David kept his eyes on Patrick as he continued to look around at the small closed off area. “Always felt like we were the only two who knew it existed.”

“Mary and Dickon hiding from Mrs. Medlock.”

Patrick laughed as the two of them headed out together, walking side by side along the path back towards the house. “Except it was more like us hiding from Alexis and avoiding our chem homework.”

“Same thing.” David smirked as he waved a hand through the air. “Did I ever tell you Alexis threatened to burn it down once?” Patrick shook his head, a smile on his face. “I found her back there once, and I told her to get out. In… less nice words than that.”

“You? I don’t believe that.”

“ _Okay_.” David rolled his eyes at Patrick as they neared the house. “ _Anyways_. I told her she was too young to be in there. That _children_ weren’t allowed.”

“Ooo, ouch David.”

David’s laughter was drowned out by the sounds of the music coming from the ballroom as they stepped up onto the patio. “Yeah. She told me if I ever called her a child again she’d burn the garden down. Using my clothes as kindling.”

“Is that why you started padlocking your closet?”

“Mmm.”

Patrick smirked and opened his mouth to say something else when a voice rang out from behind them. “ _There_ you are!” They turned to find Ted standing in the doorway. “I was worried you had disappeared once and _floral_.” David had to physically restrain himself from rolling his eyes. “We should put the _petal_ to the metal, Patrick.”

Patrick nodded. “Right.” He turned back to David, stretching out a hand to place it on David’s arm. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” David nodded. Patrick squeezed David’s arm gently before letting go. “Goodnight, David.”

David’s voice rang out just as Patrick stepped back inside. “Goodnight, Patrick.”

Patrick glanced over his shoulder, a small smile on his face, as he walked away with Ted. Alexis appeared at David’s side then, slipping her arm through his.

“You okay?”

David turned his head to look at his little sister. “Yeah. Come on. Let’s go to bed. You don’t get enough sleep and not even 24 karat gold eye patches will fix _this_ situation.” He circled a finger around her face.

“Rude, David!”

“It’s only rude if it’s wrong and…” He shrugged, jerking her hand up with the movement.

She smacked his bicep lightly as they climbed the stairs together. “You’re such a dick, David.”

“Yeah. But I’ve got facemasks and _Bridget Jones_ in my bag.”

Alexis lifted her chin as she smiled at him disappearing into her room to change into her comfiest pajamas.

Two hours later David looked down at his sister as she leaned against him, their faces glowing from the facemasks as Bridget and Mark finally figured it out.

He leaned into her, pressing a kiss into her hair. “You’re getting married tomorrow.” He whispered. He didn’t trust himself to speak any louder.

Alexis leaned back and looked up at him, her nose scrunching up with a smile. After a moment she reached up and tapped him gently on the nose.

“Boop.”


	4. And I’m Drowning Slowly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time Alexis was the one to save him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking around, kids. Your kudos and comments mean the world to me. 
> 
> This is probably the heaviest of the chapters in regards to addiction and disordered eating. Mind the content warning below and please take care of yourself.
> 
> Chapter Title is from Ben Folds Five's "Brick"
> 
> \-----
> 
> Content Warning: This chapter includes heavy discussion about drug and alcohol abuse, including prescription drugs and cocaine, as well as an eating disorder. Reader discretion is advised.

_Two Years Ago_

Stevie stood outside the door, and with all of the power she could muster in her small frame, slammed her fist on the door over and over again.

She had been standing there for a solid fifteen minutes, continuously knocking on the door, just below the peephole. She knew he was in there; she had checked his location earlier. Until the day she died Stevie would forever be thankful that she had turned on his location sharing after the first time she had gotten one of these calls.

She slammed her fist on the door a few more times before it suddenly swung open. She stumbled backward, not from the force of the door opening, but the vision of David standing before her.

She hadn’t seen him in almost a month, and he looked awful.

No, awful wasn’t a strong enough word. He looked absolutely wrecked.

In the over ten years that she had known him, Stevie had almost never seen David be anything but extremely put together. When they started hooking up shortly after meeting, Stevie had expected to wake up to a David Rose that was like most people – a bit disheveled, his hair a tangled mess, pillow lines on his face. But even after they would smoke a joint, have sex, and fall asleep, David would wake up looking like he was ready to head straight out to brunch. It was infuriating.

But this David wasn’t ready for anything, let alone brunch.

He stood in a plain white tee shirt and a pair of black boxer briefs. After their friends with benefits relationship crashed and burned and they were able to build a real friendship, Stevie was accustomed to seeing David in all manners of undress. She often sat on the end of his bed while he got ready before they went out. More than once she had showed up at his apartment only to find him in this exact outfit, or lack thereof, unable to decide between two black sweaters. But she had never seen him like this.

His normally snug tee shirt hung loose on his frame, making it appear that he was wearing a shirt two sizes too big. His boxer briefs, meanwhile, were slung low across his hips, their placement contributing to way his hipbones stood out in sharp contrast to the dark fabric.

When she saw him a month ago, she had felt he was looking thin. Looking at him now, he was looking _frighteningly_ thin, as though the slightest gust of wind could lift him away.

“David.” Her voice came out in a shocked whisper.

“What.” His voice was cold, but there was something else underneath it. An exhaustion that was looking for any outlet it could find.

“’What’? David… I’ve been calling you for three days.”

“Okay? Well… Hi.” He turned and walked back into the apartment, leaving the door open.

Stevie followed him into the apartment, closing the door softly behind her. She walked through the hallway heading into the apartment, intending on yelling at him once she was in the room. But upon walking in, all words failed her as she looked at the carnage.

Empty bottles of tequila, vodka, and whiskey were piled upon the coffee table. She stopped counting after she got to ten.

She looked around the open space and saw a small square mirror sitting on the top of the dining table, remnants of white powder marring the image.

She crossed her arms protectively over her chest and walked further into the apartment. She found her way into David’s master bedroom and was unsurprised to see more empty liquor bottles on the nightstand. When she stepped into his bathroom all she could see was a sea of empty orange pill bottles. She shook her head, tears in her eyes.

She walked back into the main room of the apartment to find David sitting on the couch staring off into the distance. “David. _David_.” He blinked up at her as though he was seeing her for the first time. “Christ.” She muttered, moving to crouch in front of him.

His eyes were bloodshot and vacant. “David.” She kept her voice low and moved her hand to gently cup his face. “David. Where’s Sebastien.”

“Gone.”

“What do you mean ‘gone’? Like… he’s on a job? Or…”

David shook his head. “Went to his place. He was there. With someone. We… he…”

“He what…?”

David shrugged, dislodging Stevie’s hand from his cheek. He sucked in a breath through his nose and shook his head, seemingly clearing the fog from behind his eyes. “I’m going to go take a shower.”

“David…”

“Thanks for stopping by. Lock the door on your way out.” He stood and walked into his bedroom, closing the door behind him.

Stevie sighed and stood. When David’s assistant Jane had called her saying he hadn’t been to the gallery in two days, she knew something was wrong. It wasn’t the first time someone had called her, worried about him since he had started seeing Sebastien. But this was certainly the worst condition she had ever found him in.

She took one more look at the apartment around her before pulling out her phone. She listened for the telltale sound of the shower running as she stood over at the windows and looked out on the city below her, waiting for the line to connect.

“Hey. How quickly can you get here?”

*****

David sat up in bed and looked around. He vaguely registered that his room seemed to have been cleaned but the hangover that was currently settling in his brain made it hard to remember if his apartment had looked like this earlier.

He stumbled into the bathroom and splashed water on his face. He hadn’t done his full skin care routine since the morning before he found Sebastien in bed with someone else. Which was… yesterday? The day before? David wasn’t sure anymore. Nothing like finding out your boyfriend had been sleeping with other people for a month to make you really want to shut your mind off.

He wandered into his closet and stared at the clothing around him. Most of it wasn’t fitting properly anymore. He was going to have to go on a shopping spree soon to get some pants that fit his now slimmer frame. If he kept it up, maybe he could convince Sebastien to come back, that they could work.

He grabbed a pair of pants from the back of his closet that had never quite fit him, always being just a little bit too snug. He’d wear them occasionally when he could feel himself straying from his regiment; a sharp reminder every time he wandered into the kitchen. They slid on easily now, hanging loose on his hips. He pulled on the sweater nearest to him and sighed as the soft wool settled against his skin. It was looser and baggier than he remembered it being.

He moved back into his bedroom and glanced around, looking for something to drink. His mouth was dry and felt as though it were filled with cotton and his head was pounding. He needed a drink, and not of water.

As he headed towards his kitchen, David contemplated ordering a green smoothie to help get him through the hangover. He could always add a few shots of vodka to it…

He came to a stop when he saw Stevie sitting on his couch. “What are you still doing here?” Stevie blinked up at him, keeping her face passive. “Pretty sure I told you to lock the door on your way out like… two hours ago.”

Stevie sighed and shook her head. “David. That was yesterday.”

“ _Okay_ , I may be a little bit out of it, but I took a shower and a quick nap. It wasn’t _yesterday_.”

“David, you’ve been asleep for fifteen hours.”

“No I haven’t –“

“David.” David turned sharply as his name came from the other corner of the room, shocked to see his sister standing in the corner.

To the casual observer she looked the same as she always did; four-inch heels, casual day dress, her hair flowing in loose curls. But the look on her face was one that David had never seen before. There was pity and fear in her eyes. But mostly, she looked sad.

“Alexis. Wh-what are you doing here?”

“I called her.” He whipped back around to stare at Stevie. “David. You need help.”

David rolled his eyes and walked over to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. “I’m fine.” He cracked open the bottle and took a deep sip. It helped the dry, cotton feeling in his mouth but not the screaming hangover.

Stevie stood and stomped over to the kitchen. She stood on the other side of the island that separated the kitchen from the rest of the room. “You’re _fine_?!” Her hands found their way to her hips as she glared at him. “David you are so fucking far from fine. Fine left a long time ago.”

“Why because I slept for fifteen hours? I was tired.”

Stevie scoffed at him as Alexis walked over, placing herself next to Stevie, her body language much more reserved than the anger radiating off of Stevie.

“David, Stevie said you were high when she got here yesterday.”

“So?” He turned his gaze back to Stevie. “Little hypocritical to judge someone for getting high, don’t you think?”

“Smoking weed is not the same as taking pills, David. Or snorting cocaine.” Stevie refused to break eye contact with him. “I know you know that.”

“Those are some pretty hefty allegations, Stevie. You sure you want to go there?”

“Well, I took pictures of everything before I cleaned your apartment. Would you like to know how many empty pill bottles I threw away? Or whose names were actually on the prescriptions?” She pulled out her phone and started scrolling through her camera roll. “How about a count of all the empty bottles of alcohol? Or the stash I found?”

Stevie attempted to turn her phone around to show David when Alexis’s hand shot out, stopping her. “What Stevie is trying to say, though with a little more force than we discussed…” She turned her glare to Stevie who had the decency to look slightly abashed, “is that we are worried about you. You don’t seem like yourself anymore.”

“I’m great. Best I’ve ever been.” He hoped the conviction behind his voice was enough to fool them, to fool himself.

“Really, David? You don’t look it. You’ve lost… a _lot_ of weight since I saw you three months ago.”

“Thank you.”

“That wasn’t a complement.” Alexis sighed and watched him for a moment. “What happened with Sebastien? Stevie said you found him with someone else?”

David rolled his eyes and drained the last of the water. He turned and threw the bottle in the recycling under the sink before walking away from them, heading back towards his bedroom. “Whatever. I’m going back to bed.”

“David!”

“Thanks for coming Alexis. See you next time you’re in the city.” He waved a hand dismissively behind him before closing the door to his bedroom and collapsing on the bed.

*****

Half an hour later Alexis sat alone on the couch, Stevie having left shortly after David had disappeared into his bedroom, needing to cool off before she crashed through to David’s bedroom and smothered him to death in her anger. She stared around the room and thought back to the way it had looked when she first arrived yesterday evening.

After Stevie’s phone call, she got on the first flight she could out of Toronto. She barely registered what she was packing as she threw a bag together before grabbing her keys and racing out the door. As she drove the few hours to Toronto, sat on the flight, and then finally in the back of a car making its way through the city to David’s apartment, she couldn’t help thinking about all of the times she knew David had received these kinds of calls about her.

She had never really thought about what she had put David through when she was younger. She lived her life the way she wanted to and knew, deep down, that no matter how annoyed David said he was with her, no matter how many times he told her he was done, if she called, he would always be there for her.

When Stevie called her, told her what she had found in his apartment, her heart had dropped out. She had always thought of David as untouchable. He was her fabulous, artistic, older brother and he never let anything get to him. She had watched him, all through high school, get bullied and picked on by the kids who just didn’t understand him. Didn’t understand his clothing, or the way he carried himself. But he never let it get to him.

He was her fantastic older brother who ran off to New York and thrived. Every time she visited him, she was in awe of his life. His beautiful apartment, his glamorous job at the gallery, the parties he went to, the clubs that welcomed him without the need to wait in line.

Sitting there now, Alexis wondered how much of that was for show. When she had finally arrived at the apartment, Stevie had already begun to clean up. The bottles had been put in the recycling, the drugs, both prescription and illegal, had been cleaned up. They spent the next few hours cleaning up the rest, barely speaking between the two of them.

Her heart had all but stopped the second he had walked out of the bedroom that morning. Even though Stevie had given her a full run down of the situation, Alexis wasn’t truly prepared for just how thin her brother had become.

The last time she had seen him, three months prior, he had gushed about his new photographer boyfriend. He had seemed happy, but now that she thought about it, there had been changes then.

He had definitely looked thinner, and he was holding himself differently. But David had essentially been gone since he started college and had been truly been gone for the past eight years. So changes in his appearance were often brushed aside as a condition of being separated.

But this. This was different.

This was so beyond what Alexis was capable of fixing. She had certainly grown over the years but this… she didn’t know what do to with this. So she called the only person she could think of.

*****

The phone rattled across the coffee table, lighting up to show the incoming FaceTime call. Ted grabbed the phone, answering as he brought the screen up to his face.

“Hey babe.”

“Hey.” She kept her voice quiet, her eyes cast downward.

“Are you okay?”

“No. I’ve never seen him like this. This is… Ted, this is so bad. It’s so much worse than I thought.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s so thin, like scary thin.” She pressed her thumbnail against her bottom lip, her eyes finally meeting his. “Like, I’m pretty sure I weigh more than he does.”

“Oh god.” Ted grimaced.

“And I’d say it’s the partying, and it definitely is. But I also don’t think he’s eating.” She shook her head, her loose curls swaying back and forth with the movement. “There is literally nothing edible in this apartment. I think he’s starving himself. And if he’s been sober one day in the last two months, I’d be shocked.”

“Alcohol?”

“Alcohol. Pills. Stevie found cocaine.”

It was the quietly muttered “ _fuck_ ” that brought Ted’s attention to the fact that he was no longer alone in his living room. He looked up to meet Patrick’s eyes where he stood in the entrance to the hallway, having returned at some point from the bathroom. Ted wasn’t sure how much he heard, but it was obviously enough.

Alexis noticed Ted’s eyeline, her face blanching. “Is someone at your place?”

“Um… yeah. Patrick’s here. We were watching the game.”

“Sorry, Alexis. I didn’t mean –“

Alexis cut him off quickly. “It’s fine. I can trust you to keep your mouth shut, right?” Her voice was steely, encompassing a tone Patrick had never heard from his friend’s usually bubbly girlfriend. He couldn’t see her face, but he didn’t need to see her expression to know she meant business.

“Of course.”

Alexis nodded before focusing back on Ted. “I don’t know what to do for him.”

“Alexis, I know you don’t want to hear this, but you can’t help him if he doesn’t want to be helped.”

“I have to do _something_ , Ted. After all the times he’s saved me, all the times I’ve called him from halfway around the world and he did everything he could to get me home… I can’t do nothing.”

Ted nodded. He didn’t know every adventure Alexis had experienced in her late teens and early twenties, but he knew enough. Though he and David were never particularly close in high school, they weren’t enemies. When they had left for college they stayed in touch in the slightest of ways, but enough that Ted knew of the occasional call for rescue. He’d even witnessed it once, home for a break from university.

“Let me make some calls, do some research. Get you the names of a few places. Maybe… Maybe if you give him the option of treatment, he’ll take it.” Alexis nodded. “But babe, you have to be prepared for him to say no. To refuse. You can’t force it on him, no matter how much you want to.”

“I know.”

“Let me see if I can find some places that I think he’d be willing to go to.”

“Thank you, Ted.” She smiled softly at him before changing her tone. “And I mean it Patrick… one word of this to anyone and I’ll –“

“I won’t say anything, Alexis. I promise. I wouldn’t do that to him.”

Alexis nodded again before bidding Ted goodbye and hanging up.

Ted sighed deeply, leaning back into his couch. The game, which he had muted upon her phone call, continued to play silently across the screen. He glanced up to find Patrick standing in the hallway still, leaning against the wall, his arms crossed protectively over his chest.

Patrick looked at him, pressing his lips together. “I didn’t know Alexis was in New York.”

Ted nodded. “Yeah. Stevie, David’s friend, called her yesterday. She took the first flight out she could find.” Patrick looked down at the carpet under his feet. “Listen, man, I’m sorry. I should really start making some phone calls…”

“Right. Right.” Patrick stood there for a moment longer before he pushed himself from the wall, walking to the coffee table to grab his keys and phone. “I, uh… I had a cousin. When I was little. Who… she had some issues.” He paused for a moment, playing with the keys in his hands. “She always spoke highly of Sierra Tucson. I know… I know they have the resources for someone with multiple addictions. And… and eating disorders.” He shook his head before dropping his face into his hand.

Patrick stood there for a moment, breathing deeply before standing up straight and look at Ted. “Please let me know if I can do anything. He… I… Just let me know.”

“You got it bud.” Ted watched as Patrick turned and walked out the door, a heaviness hanging in the air.

Two hours and many phone calls later, Ted sent a text to Alexis telling her to check her email. The people at Sierra Tucson were on standby for a phone call. All David had to do, was want it.

*****

David heard the gentle tapping of fingernails on his bedroom door and sighed. “What, Alexis?”

Alexis pushed the door open softly and walked in, a glass in her hand. When she reached his side, she placed the glass on his nightstand gently. “I figured it’s probably been a while since you’ve had anything.” She indicated the green liquid inside the glass. “I had them add some extra vitamin boosts. Should help with the hangover.”

“Thanks.” He kept his face and voice passive, completely void of emotion.

“David…” She took a deep breath before continuing on. “What I have witnessed is concerning to me.” He kept his eyes on her hands as they balanced in front of her, one hand playing with the perfectly manicured nail of the other. “And I think, maybe, you need to go get some help.”

David glanced up at her face as he slowly registered the words she was saying. He opened his mouth to refute them, when she barreled on.

“I know you said you’re fine, but the alcohol, the pills…” she dropped her voice to a whisper, “the cocaine.” When he looked back up at her there were tears in her eyes. “David… when was the last time you ate? Like really ate.”

David glanced over at the smoothie on his nightstand and tried to remember the last time he sat down for a true meal. He couldn’t remember. He looked back up at his sister and shrugged.

Alexis’s face fell as her fears were confirmed. “David, you _love_ food.” It was as though her voice was incapable of rising above a whisper. “I’ve never seen anyone love food the way you do.”

“Sebastien –“

“ _Sebastien Raine_ is a fucking asshole, David.” He startled back slightly at the fierceness behind her words. “He is a pretentious piece of trash who isn’t worthy of the dirt under your shoes, let alone to be with you.” David laughed morosely. “I mean it, David.”

“Well, no need to worry about _that_ anymore. He broke up with me.”

“What?” Alexis moved to sit down on the bed by David’s feet.

“When I got to his place the other day, I found him fucking someone else. When I confronted him about it, he told me he’s been seeing other people for a month and that I should get over it.” He shook his head, dropping his gaze to his hands as they lay in his lap. “When I told him I didn’t want an open relationship, he broke up with me. Told me my neediness wasn’t _jelling_ with his _vibe_.”

“What a fucking…” Alexis bit her bottom lip, turning her head to look out the window across the room.

“Yeah. So when I got home I just…” he shrugged. “Anything I could find really.”

“The cocaine?”

“He says it helps him with his vision before a big shoot.”  
  
“And the pills?”

“Help me come down from the coke.”

“And the food?”

Tears started to fall down David’s cheeks. “He said the extra weight made me look pedestrian. That if I lost it, it would give me an edge. Would give my art recommendations more credence.”

“And how soon after that did he convince you to put _his_ photos in the gallery?”

David’s face crumpled as he brough his knees up to his chest and began to cry in earnest. Alexis stood, flicking off her heels before she crawled into the bed, sitting up next to him. She wrapped her arm around his shoulders and pulled him into her, letting him place his weight on her.

She closed her eyes as she realized she could so easily fit her arm around him. He felt frail in her arms. She could feel the jut of every bone, feel each vertebra as they poked along his spine. She pulled him tight against her and held him there until his tears finally stopped.

They sat in silence for a while before David sat back against the headboard, wiping the remnants of his tears from his face. Alexis shifted next to him moving her hand to her lap, laying it palm up, an open invitation. It only took a moment before her tiny hand was filled with his.

“If I booked two tickets to Arizona, would you come with me?”

“Arizona?”

She nodded; her eyes trained on him as he stared down at their entwined hands. “Sierra Tucson.”

David paused for a moment, letting the words she was saying sink in. When he looked up, he found nothing but love in her eyes.

“Okay.”


	5. Well, Baby I’ve Been Here Before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ted and Alexis are wed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your words have brought me joy and life and I shall never be able to thank you all enough.
> 
> This is also officially my longest fic and we're only at the halfway point. Thank you all for sticking around. You are my motivation and have my adoration.
> 
> Chapter Title comes from Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah". Though check the Jeff Buckley version, as it is my favorite.
> 
> \-----
> 
> Content Warning: Briefest of mentions of relapse and treatment.

_Current Day_

David pushed open the door as he tugged on the cuffs of his sleeves. He was struggling to get his cufflinks in on his own and after attempting to put them in for a few minutes he gave up and went to find everyone else across the hall in Alexis’s room.

He entered the room with his eyes focused on his cuffs and nearly walked into Twyla.

“Oh God, I’m sorry.” He reached out a hand and steadied Twyla.

Twyla smiled good naturedly and grabbed his arm lightly. “Don’t worry about it, David! Don’t you look handsome?” She took a step back, stretching her arm out and looking David up and down.

“Thank you, Twyla.” David could feel himself blushing. He had worried that when he agreed to be in Alexis’s wedding party that she would have him wear some boho chic suit, in the vein of the dresses she wore on a regular basis. When she sent him the picture of the textured Burberry suit she had chosen, he had almost cried with joy.

“David, where’s your jacket?” Alexis called from her seat across the room where his mother’s hair and makeup team were swarming around her.

“It’s hanging up in my room. I need…” He held out his wrist. “I can’t get these…” He shook his wrist in frustration.

“Oh. I can help you with that!” Twyla bounced forward and slipped his cufflinks through the small holes, securing his cuffs in place. David smiled at her in gratitude. “Alexis, I’m going to go check on the boys.”

“Ugh, Twy, thank you! Can you please remind them that there is no room for interpretation with their suits? And then can you double check that the flowers are being –“

“You bet.” Twyla smiled brightly. “I’ll check on your parents too before I go change.”

“Girl, you are an absolute dream.” Alexis grinned at her.

David smiled at Twyla as she walked out of the room in her robe, “Maid of Honor” written in gold sparkles across her back. He stood and watched the final touches being placed on Alexis’s hair and makeup, marveling at the calmness he could feel wafting off Alexis, he’s not sure if their situations were reversed, he would be that calm. After a moment the hair and makeup team, happy with the finished product, made their excuses before leaving the two of them alone.

“I should go –“

“David.” Alexis reached out her hand and wiggled her fingers at him. “Come sit with me?”

He sighed and nodded, walking over to sit in the armchair opposite her, willing to give his sister anything she wanted for this one day.

Alexis grabbed the champagne flute that rested on the makeup vanity next to her before folding herself into her chair. She was wearing her own silk robe and though he couldn’t see the back, knew that hers read “Bride” in the same gold sparkles. As comfortable as they looked, he was quite glad she hadn’t gotten him one.

“So.” She grinned at him, before taking a sip.

“So.”

“Last night. You and Patrick disappeared for a bit…”

David nodded. “He deserved an apology. And I didn’t particularly want to do that in front of everyone. No offense.”

Alexis shook her head. “None taken.” She fixed him with a look he couldn’t quite interpret. “Are you two… okay? I didn’t _hear_ shouting.”

David rolled his eyes. “Yes. I apologized. He accepted.”

“So no fear of fireworks tonight?”

“I promised you there wouldn’t be, Alexis.” He looked a slightly sad look in his eyes.

She leaned forward and booped his nose. “Since it’s my day, and you can’t say no to anything I ask.” David thought his eyes were going to fall out of his skull from the force of his eyeroll. “What happened last year?”

“What do you mean ‘what happened’? I relapsed, Alexis. Hard. For like a solid month.” He frowned slightly. They had discussed this over the past ten months, and he knew she watched his spiral in real time.

“No. I know that.” She smiled at him softly. “I mean, on the patio. What happened with you and Patrick.”

David took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “We had words. I’m sure he told you all about it.”

“Actually, no. Patrick hasn’t told _anyone_ what happened. All anyone knows is that he followed you out there to talk to you and it ended with you yelling at him.”

David nodded, pulling his lips between his teeth as he hummed. “Mmm. Tequila, whiskey, and pills. The Angry David cocktail.”

“Did he… say something to you?”

“No. Not – not really. I was drunk. And high. And I knew what I had just thrown away. And Sebastien was… himself. And seeing Patrick… I just lost it, Alexis. I absolutely lost it.”

Alexis leaned back in her chair and observed David carefully. He could feel himself squirming under her gaze. She tilted her head slightly, her eyes softening. “So how long have you been in love with him?”

David chuckled and shook his head. He should have known Alexis would have figured him out. If he truly thought about it, he was shocked she hadn’t asked him this question a decade ago.

“I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t, anymore.”

She smiled sadly at him. “Thank you for being here. For being a part of this.”

“Wouldn’t have missed it for anything. Though if Ted puns his way through his vows…”

Alexis snorted inelegantly into her glass as she attempted to take a sip. “Oh no. I warned him about that. He’s allowed _one_.”

“More than I would have given him.” He grinned at her. “I still can’t believe you’re marrying _Ted_. Of all people.”

“You only have yourself to blame for that one.”

“What does _that_ mean?”

“You’re the reason I knew Ted was the one.”

“Me?”

Alexis shrugged before finishing the rest of the champagne in her glass. “The way he was when Stevie called me.” David nodded. “He really stepped up and was there for me… and you. He got me the info, helped me get you there.” She shrugged. “The way he jumped in to help. The way he did it for _you_ , not for me. It’s when I knew.”

“He always was a good guy.” David smiled. “Despite the puns.”

Alexis laughed bright and loud. “After a while you don’t even register them”

“Just tell me he doesn’t do it in bed.”

“Ew, David! Of course not! Ew! Ew, ew, eeeew!”

He grinned at her before standing and leaning over to kiss her cheek gently. “I’m going to go put my jacket on. You – “ He leaned back and looked at her. “You need to get that gorgeous dress on and get ready to go walk down the aisle.”

She grinned at him. “I’m getting married.”

“Mmm! To a vet. Who irons his polo shirts.”

Alexis tilted her head and smiled sarcastically at him. “Lick rust. Thank you!”

David winked at her as he closed the door behind him. He shook his head as he returned back to his own room, trying to swipe the emotion from his mind. It was the first time he had admitted to anyone that he was still in love with Patrick. The conversation the night before had been securely in the past tense.

When he had made his way home at the beginning of the weekend, he had hoped to get in and out without having a total breakdown. He could still feel the deep shame and regret of having gone off the deep end the year prior. Despite everything, despite seeing most of those people for the first time today, despite having to see Patrick again, it was Alexis’s day. He wanted to share in her joy, not wallow in his misery.

Twenty minutes later he stood in front of the mirror, fixing his hair and making sure that everything was in the right place. If he was going to face all of the people who had witnessed his fall, he was going to do so with his armor up. He tugged on his jacket and stared into the mirror, psyching himself up for the rest of the evening ahead.

He heard a soft knock at his door. “I’ll be down in a minute!” The knocking continued. He called out again that he’d be only a moment longer, but the knocking never stopped.

He stomped over to the door and flung it open, expecting his sister to be on the other side. The snippy remark died on his lips when he saw Stevie standing there.

“What are you doing here?!”

Stevie smirked up at him, her dark hair cascading around her tiny frame as it stood before him in a beautiful black dress that hugged her in all the right places.

“Alexis called me, for reinforcements.”

“That’s offensive. I have been on my _best_ behavior.”

Stevie rolled her eyes as she pushed her way into the room. “Not reinforcement for her, dumbass. For _you_. She figured you could use someone by your side.”

David turned to look at her, one hand still on the doorknob. “Oh. Well. Then. I’m… glad you’re here.”

“Me too.”

“Was that almost an emotion?”

“Shut up.”

He smirked at her before grabbing her and pulling her in for a tight hug.

*****

David turned as the music changed and watched as Alexis and their father walked up the aisle. He felt the tears pooling in his eyes and willed himself to keep it together. He thought she had looked beautiful the day before at her last fitting. But seeing her now, her hair and makeup done elegantly, the lace veil floating down her back to blend seamlessly with the lace in her dress… David wasn’t sure he had ever seen something so beautiful.

When he thought about how far the Rose siblings had come, he didn’t know how to handle it. As he watched his sister walk slowly up the aisle in the garden of their parents’ home, he thought about all the phone calls he had received while standing in that same garden, all the times he had to rush to supply passports, cash, and colored contact lenses. He thought about the phone calls he received when he was in college, when Alexis had found her way out of Schitt’s Creek, following one friend or another into yet another dangerous position.

And he thought about the phone calls he knew Alexis had gotten. Reports of David not showing up for work. Reports of David stumbling out of clubs. And the phone call Stevie had placed two years ago when he hit rock bottom.

Alexis looked over at him, a bright smile breaking out onto her face and he knew. He knew she was thinking the same things.

David hadn’t been sure how he was going to feel about standing in front of everyone, witnessing his sister’s happiest moment. Not because he didn’t want to be there for Alexis, but the idea of standing in front of everyone was not David’s idea of a fun evening. But seeing her smile now, the glow that was radiating off of her, he would suffer through any amount of shame and embarrassment to bear witness at her side.

As he listened to Ted’s vows, mercifully free of puns, he thought about the man who was tying himself to Alexis for life. Both David and Alexis weren’t blind to the types of people they were. They knew that anyone who chose to be with them was signing up for a certain amount of dramatics.

Growing up they used to joke about finding their own Johnny Rose. They both knew they took after their mother, but that their father was the true grounding force in their family. He glanced over at his parents sitting in the front row and couldn’t help but smile. His mother, in her dramatic black and silver gown, her dark wig flowing down her shoulders, sat primly next to his emotional father in his suit. Upon first glance, they didn’t look like they fit, but thirty seconds in their presence and it was obvious to all how much love was between them, even now four decades into their marriage.

Shifting his attention back to his sister, David took a deep breath as Alexis began her vows. He could feel the tears starting in earnest as he listened to his sister express her love for the man that had been there for her, without fail and without judgement. He blinked rapidly, praying for the tears to stay in his eyes but when he glanced up and met Patrick’s gaze, he knew all hope was lost.

Patrick met his eyes, smiling softly at him and David had to look away quickly as he felt the tears cascading down his face. He kicked himself internally that he didn’t shove a tissue in his pocket earlier. He swiped a finger delicately across his cheek as his eyes found Stevie’s in the crowd.

“ _Front pocket._ ” David’s eyebrows crinkled slightly as he attempted to read Stevie’s lips. “ _Front. Pocket._ ” She mouthed again, pointing to her chest.

David slipped a hand inside his suit jacket and grabbed the tissue that Stevie had somehow managed to slip inside his pocket earlier.

He wiped his eyes carefully as he watched his sister declared someone’s wife and felt his heart burst with joy.


	6. I Have Been to the Movie, I Have Seen How it Ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which David leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your words give me light.
> 
> Today was a good day. Have some angst.
> 
> Chapter title comes from Brandi Carlile's "The Joke"

_Ten Years Ago_

The second David walked back into his parent’s house he felt like he was sixteen again. There was something about being in this house that made him feel awkward and out of place. But he had needed a place to figure out his next steps and he supposed this was the best place for that.

When the time had come, five years prior, to begin applying to colleges, David was the only member of his small group of friends that had decided to really travel far. Most of them were sticking relatively close by in Toronto with only Patrick even applying to any other college outside the city. And even then, it was still only in Montreal.

But David had decided the second they arrived in Schitt’s Creek that the moment he got the chance, he’d leave. Back to New York. Or Los Angeles. Or even Boston if he had to. Anything but staying in the sad small town with the terrible name that his parents had forced upon them when they realized that they couldn’t handle raising their two teenaged children in a big city.

The happiest day of David’s life had been when his acceptance letter to NYU had arrived in the mail. After receiving the tiny envelope from both USC and UCLA, his hopes of escaping had begun to dwindle. But then the envelope from NYU had arrived, big and full of welcoming information for the incoming freshmen class. It was followed quickly by acceptances from Carnegie Mellon, Sarah Lawrence, Wesleyan, SCAD, and RISD, all giving David the ability to escape. But it had been that first packet, with the promise of New York, that David had read every night.

That’s not to say that he never looked back. He came home for most breaks, with the exception of the last two summers while he pursued internships in the city, first in fashion and then at an art gallery. And while he felt just as out of place in New York as he did in Schitt’s Creek, the overwhelming desire to prove to his parents, who had desperately tried to talk him out of it, that he had made the right choice always won out. He was never going to let his father see that New York was anything but the place where he belonged.

Before he had graduated last month, the gallery where he had been interning for the last year had offered him the opportunity to come on as a permanent member of staff. For anyone else it would have been a dream. And it was for David, too. He loved the gallery. He loved working with new and upcoming artists, curating their work into a collection that not only told their story, but intrigued the public enough to want to spend their hard-earned money on it. But he didn’t know if it was what he wanted for his life.

The day after David arrived back home, all of his possessions having been delivered and mostly unpacked by his parent’s household staff, David found himself wandering out to the back garden to mull over his decision.

He thought about making a pros and cons list, but the pros column would really only have one point – Stevie.

Whenever David thought about leaving New York behind for good, he thought about how it meant leaving Stevie behind, too. She had become such an integral part of his life in the past four years, that he couldn’t imagine life without her. She had truly become his best friend. Or, one of them.

He sat down on the bench in the back corner of the small walled off section of the garden that he always thought as his own and drew his knees up to his chest. He wrapped his arms around his knees and rested his chin on top. He closed his eyes and took several deep breaths, filtering through the different things he’d be giving up if he stayed in New York or Schitt’s Creek.

New York; the food, the job, the culture, Stevie.

Schitt’s Creek; his family and…

“Hey.”

Patrick.

His eyes flew open and he looked over to the entrance of the garden to find Patrick standing there, hands in his pockets.

“Hey.” David could feel the smile threatening to burst through. “How did you know I was home?”

Patrick shrugged and walked into the garden fully, sitting down on the old tree stump that was opposite David’s bench, just as he did when they were kids. “I may have bribed Adelina to text me.”

“When did you have time to do that?”

Patrick grinned. “Three years ago.” His smile grew infinitely larger as David laughed. “Haven’t you ever wondered how I always know you’re back?”

“I assumed Alexis, though now that you mention it I came home before her at Christmas and you still came by…”

Patrick grinned and wagged his faint eyebrows at him. “You’ve always been terrible at letting people know where you are. So I went around you.”

“What did you bribe her with?”

“That’s between me and Adelina.”

David shook his head and smiled, no matter how long they went between seeing each other, Patrick always managed to surprise him. He stared at the man before him, suddenly wondering when his goofy best friend had become this calm, poised man. He certainly hadn’t been when David last saw him over the Christmas break.

Patrick had always been cute; David had known that since the day he met him. But now, seemingly out of nowhere Patrick’s boyish charm had transformed. His hair was slightly shorter but his final season of playing college baseball had done wonders to his physique. He wasn’t that dorky debate team captain that somehow found David worthy of being his friend. Patrick had become a man. And a handsome one at that.

And David always felt more settled in his presence. Whether he was freaking out about something trivial or dealing with an actual crisis with Alexis, anytime Patrick was by his side David always felt calmer, settled, at peace. As he looked at him now, he felt the scales tip in the favor of staying in Schitt’s Creek in his mind.

“So.”

“So.”

“Did you come here for a reason or…”

“Oh!” Patrick smiled, looking down at his feet for a moment. “Yeah. We’re all getting together tonight at the Wobbly Elm.”

“Who’s ‘we all’?”

Patrick rolled his eyes. “The regular gang, Ted, Mutt, Twyla, me, Rachel, Mike, Lindsey, Steve…”

“So, everyone.” Patrick nodded. “I haven’t seen most of those people since high school.”

“You’ve seen me. And Rachel. And Ted.” David shrugged. “Come on. I’d really like it if you’d come.”

David sighed, looked up at Patrick, and immediately regretted it. He never could say no to that look in Patrick’s eyes. He had convinced David to attend a myriad of activities David would not have been caught dead at. The moment he met his eyes, David knew there was no way he would deny Patrick this.

He rolled his eyes slightly and waved a hand through the air. “Fine.”

Patrick grinned and stood. “Great! We’re all meeting at seven. Try and be on time, won’t you?” David rolled his eyes again and gestured for Patrick to leave. Patrick laughed and raised his hand in a slight wave as he turned and walked out of the garden.

Another tick in the Schitt’s Creek column fell into place.

*****

David walked into the Wobbly Elm and desperately tried to not resent being there. No matter how many times he would enter this bar, no matter how many good memories he had of spending time there with his friends, it would always pale in comparison to the upscale, swanky bars he would frequent in New York.

“David!” He could hear the smile in Twyla’s voice long before he could see her.

He felt the hands of several people patting him along his back and had a fleeting thought to the damage they were doing to his leather jacket as he found himself ensconced in the small group of friends he would always associate with Schitt’s Creek.

“Hey bud, I’m surprised to see you here so soon. I was betting closer to nine.”

David scoffed. “I know I’m usually late, but I’ve never been _two hours_ late, Ted. Come on.”

Ted looked at him quizzically. “Two hours?”

David whipped around to stare at Patrick. “Oh yeah. I lied. Everyone else was told eight.”

David’s mouth dropped open in indignation. “You _lied_?”

Patrick shrugged, taking a sip from the beer in his hand. “I wanted you here as close to on time as possible.”

“And what if I had shown up at seven?”

“I hedged my bet.” Patrick smirked.

David scoffed again, turning towards the bar. “See if I ever trust _you_ again.” He signaled to the bartender and waited as his drink was made.

“Well, I needed you here on time, David.” Patrick murmured, standing close to him.

“Why?” David grabbed his drink and turned his hip to face Patrick. “What’s so important that I had to be here.”

Patrick smiled softly. “You’ll see.”

David rolled his eyes as Patrick walked over to where a few other people stood, inserting himself into their conversation. Even when they were in high school, David always found himself feeling awkward whenever Patrick would walk away to talk to other people. He knew part of it was jealousy, he’d rather have all of Patrick’s attention at all times, but part of it was the deep feelings of outsider-ness that were always sitting just under his skin.

David soon found himself in a deep conversation with Twyla about the last artist he helped exhibit at the gallery. It was something he always liked about Twyla, she always seemed generally interested in whatever passion the other person had, even if it was something she knew nothing about. He had almost forgotten that there had been a reason for them to gather when Patrick stood and knocked a spoon against the glass in his hand.

“Um… hey.” Patrick cleared his throat as his group of friends all turned towards him. “Thank you all for coming tonight. I thought about doing this individually and then decided this was easiest. Even if it took some trickery to get everyone here.” He grinned as he met David’s eyes.

“Whatever. All my drinks are on your tab.” David snarked, rolling his eyes as laughter went through the crowd.

“ _Anyways_.” Patrick grinned. It was then that David noticed Rachel standing next to hm, a soft blush across her cheeks. “I know we’ve all been a bit scattered these past four years, some more than others. But since we were all back here I figured, we figured, it was the perfect time to tell you all.”

“Oh my god.” Twyla whispered at David’s side, reaching out to grip his arm. He glanced at her and saw that pure joy was written across her face. David turned back to look at Patrick, pure confusion across his own face.

“For some crazy reason…” Patrick continued, “Rachel has agreed to marry me.”

Somewhere in the recesses of his brain, David registered Twyla’s scream of delight. He felt the press of her fingers as she squeezed his arm before she bounced off her stool and launched herself at Rachel. On some level he knew those things were happening. But all he could hear was the pounding of his own heart as the words echoed in his head.

Patrick was getting married.

David blinked several times as Patrick walked towards him, a soft smile on his face. David arranged his face into what he prayed was a look of happiness for his best friend as he stood to greet him.

“So now you know why I wanted you here on time.”

David nodded. “Mmm! Yes.”

“Worth the lie.”

“Seems so.” David did his best to smile. “Congratulations. This is… huge.”

Patrick nodded, taking a deep sip from his beer. “I’m glad you’re here for this.”

“Of course.” David drained the rest of his drink, placing the empty glass on the bar. “I should go. Alexis is supposed to be coming home tonight and Lord knows Rose manor isn’t safe with her roaming around it.”

“Are you sure? We were all going to –“

“Mmhmm. Yeah. You all go. Have fun!” David smiled in what he hoped was in a convincing manner. He leaned over and enveloped Patrick in a hug. “Congratulations.” His voice was low. He cleared his throat of emotion as he leaned back and forced another smile as he met Patrick’s eyes before walking away.

David went over to Rachel, offering her a hug and his best wishes, taking the obligatory look at her ring. David said all the right things and smiled at her joy, after all it wasn’t her fault that he was dying inside.

David waited until he was in his car to let the tears fall down his face. When he got back to his parents’ house he went directly to his bedroom, opening his email to give the gallery his final answer.

In the end it was an easy choice. There was nothing left for him in Schitt’s Creek.

*****

Two days later, David was deep in his closet, filtering through which sweaters he wanted to bring to New York when there was a soft knock in his door. He walked out of the closet, several sweaters in his hand and called out.

“Come in.”

The door swung open to reveal Patrick, a baseball hat pulled low over his eyes, a pair of jean shorts and faded tee shirt from the high school baseball team giving David a sharp feeling of déjà vu. He couldn’t remember how many times his bedroom door had been opened to this exact image over the six years since his family moved to Schitt’s Creek.

“Hey.” Patrick smiled as he closed the door behind him and walked further into the room.

“Hey.” David laid the sweaters in his arms on the bed and began to fold them, placing them carefully in the trunk by his feet, avoiding Patrick’s eyes as he did.

“You left quickly the other night.” Patrick settled onto the edge of David’s bed, another familiar act.

“Yeah, sorry about that. You know how my family is. Just trying to avoid another crisis.”

Patrick nodded. “So you’re not mad at me.”

“Why would I be mad at you?” David crouched down to adjust the placement of the clothing in the trunk as he added another few pieces.

“I don’t know, just a feeling I had.”

“Nope. Not mad at all. I’m very happy for you.” He still hadn’t met Patrick’s eyes. He turned and walked to the dresser along the wall, pulling out items and bringing them back to the trunk.

“Are you going on a trip?”

“Hmmm? No. I took a permanent position at the gallery.”

“You… You’re moving to New York? Permanently?” David nodded again before bending back down, burying himself in rearranging the already well-arranged trunk. “That’s a big step.”

“Seems to be the theme of the week.”

“When do you leave?”

“Tomorrow.”

“ _Tomorrow_?!”

David nodded, moving to his bathroom, and grabbing the toiletry bag he had packed earlier. “Yeah. I start on Monday so… Need to get to the city, find an apartment, get settled. You know, start my life.”

“God. I didn’t even know you were thinking of taking a job there.”

“They offered me one last week. I was just thinking it over.”

“When did you decide?” Patrick’s voice had gone soft.

“Last night.” David said dismissively. “Hey, listen, I’d love to keep chatting, but I have a lot to do before I leave, and my mother is insisting on a big family dinner so…”

“Right. Right.” Patrick stood, nodding. “Can I… can I see you before you leave?”

“Um, I just don’t think there’s time. I leave pretty early.”

“I… okay. I guess I’ll see you when you come back for the holidays?”

“Mmm. Doubtful for this year. You know Moira, any excuse to do New York at Christmas.”

“Sure.” Patrick’s hands found their way into his pockets as he moved towards the door. “Well, if nothing else I’ll see you at the wedding.” He smiled softly.

“Yeah. Maybe. I’ll have to see what my schedule’s like. You know how crazy life can be in a big city.”

“David…”

“I’ll see you around Patrick.” David turned and walked back into his closet.

If he hadn’t been holding his breath, he would have missed the quiet, desperately hurt sound of Patrick’s voice as he closed the door. “Bye David.”

He waited a few moments and once he was sure Patrick was gone, collapsed on the floor of his closet, and cried.


	7. Maybe Won't You Take It Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which David finds out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all have my heart and my love.
> 
> Do a girl a solid and wear a mask. Stay home if you can. Protect yourself. This thing ain't over, and it really ain't fun.
> 
> Chapter Title is from Billie Eilish's "i love you"

_Current Day_

David leaned back in his seat and watched the room around him. His parents were dancing in the center of the room, his mother’s wig now short and pink to match her outfit change, the smile on his father’s face blinding to all those who saw it.

He looked around for his sister, and found her standing in the corner, a glass of champagne in her hand, surrounded by Ted, Mutt, Twyla, Rachel, and Patrick. He studied them for a moment, admiring Alexis’s own outfit change. The slinky white gown skimmed her body perfectly and David couldn’t help but be in awe of her beauty. He watched as Patrick said something that made Alexis burst out into laughter, her hand reaching out to steady herself on Ted’s arm as she produced a full body laugh. 

She looked happy. But more than that he could feel her happiness radiating across the ballroom. He smiled softly down at his hands in his lap before startling back as a glass was placed in front of his face from the disembodied arm above him.

“Tonic water. Double lime.”

He leaned back slightly and smiled up at Stevie, taking the glass from her. “Thanks.” He took a sip as she sank into the chair next to him, her own glass in her hand. “Mmm. Lime water. _Just_ as refreshing as a vodka.”

Stevie snorted into her glass of whiskey. “The plight of the sober.”

“Ugh.” He took another sip. “Being sober sucks.”

Stevie burst out into laughter, pulling a grin from David. “So.” She smirked. “What are my options here?”

“Mmmm.” David shifted in his seat and glanced around the room. “Few and far between, sadly. Mutt is apparently back with Twyla. Ted’s obviously out. Most of his weird vet friends brought dates.” He shifted as he scanned the room again. “There’s Steve but I feel like that would be confusing.”

Stevie rolled her eyes at him. “It would be a little like I’m fucking myself which… “

“From what I’ve heard you’d be better off doing that.” Stevie widened her eyes at him as David shrugged. “There’s Patrick…” She raised her eyebrows at him. “I mean…”

“I would never do that to you. There’s cruel and then there’s that.”

David shrugged. “I have no claim there. Or here.” He indicated her with a flourish.

“What about him?” She lifted her glass and pointed it towards a man standing by the bar. David followed her gaze and grinned when he saw who she was speaking about.

“Now _he_ is your best bet.”

“Who is he?”

David leaned into her conspiratorially and found himself feeling like Samantha Jones. “That, is Jake.”

“And do we know this Jake?”

“We do.” He grinned. “He was a year ahead of me in school.”

“Okay yes, but do we _know_ Jake?” She turned her head slightly to look at David, the look in her eyes very clear.

“Mmmm. _We do_.”

“And he ranks…”

“High. Very high. And that was a decade ago, so I can only imagine him now.”

“I don’t want to overstep with an old boyfriend…”

“Oh, no. No, no. Jake’s nobody’s boyfriend. And _everybody’s_ boyfriend.” Stevie laughed, taking a sip of her whiskey. “But he’s always a fun time.”

“I’m not taking an option from you, am I?” Her tone made it very clear to David that she didn’t actually care if she was.

“No. Jake was very much a ‘home for break’ phase in college. I’ve moved on from that.” He took a long sip, emptying his glass. “But I’d move quickly if I were you. He’s never alone for long.”

Stevie threw a look at him before draining her drink. She placed the glass down on the table and turned into him slightly, shielding herself from the crowd as she slipped her fingertips into the top of her dress and rearranged her breasts. David snorted a laugh as she stood and shimmied her dress in place.

“Good?”

“Gorgeous.” He smiled. She winked at him before stalking off. He watched her approach Jake and couldn’t help the smile on his face as she immediately stole all of his attention.

David reached for his glass and stood. He glanced over at the crowd still gathered around his sister and smiled before heading towards the bar. He signaled to the bartender, procured another tonic water with lime, and took a sip as he glanced over at Stevie, who was absolutely making plans to leave at any moment with Jake.

David shook his head, the grin never leaving his face as he made his way across the room and out onto the patio overlooking the gardens. Whereas inside the ballroom everything was loud and filled with music and joy, it was quiet and serene outside. He was blissfully alone. He could see the lights flickering softly through the back gardens, could follow them in his mind’s eye down the path towards his own little secret garden. He leaned his hip against the stone wall and sighed, listening to the crickets singing through the night.

“David.”

David turned at the call of his name to find he was no longer alone.

“Patrick.” He smiled at him before turning back to the garden. He felt more than heard Patrick approaching him, could feel the heat of him as he placed himself next to David. “I’m having the weirdest sense of déjà vu.”

“I can go…”

David shook his head and took another sip. “No, no. You can stay.” He glanced down at his glass before looking at Patrick. “Just tonic water this time.”

Patrick smiled bashfully, his eyes turning towards his shoe. “That’s not why I came out here.”

“I know.” David shrugged. “Gotta try to find the humor where I can. If my life wasn’t funny it would just be true, and that’s unacceptable.”

Patrick snorted a laugh as he attempted to take a sip from the glass in his hand. “Never in my life would I have thought I’d hear a quote from _Carrie Fisher_ out of David Rose.”

“Excuse you, she was fabulous.” He looked haughtily at Patrick. “I may have never seen a space war, but I know a queer icon when I see one.”

“Star Wars.”

“Whatever, same thing.”

Patrick smiled. “Okay, David.”

They stood there for a moment, enjoying simply standing near each other, not quite touching but not moving to put more space between them. As they both stood overlooking the vast gardens David wondered if Patrick was thinking about last year and the fight they had had, or of years past when things seemed simpler.

He was about to ask when he heard the tell-tale laughter of their group of friends ring out. They both turned at the sound and saw, through the glass doors, Ted twirl Alexis around the dance floor as Mutt attempted to dip Rachel.

David leaned his back against the wall and studied Patrick for a moment as he watched Rachel and Mutt dance. “You two kids ever going to make it work?” He asked as he took a final sip from his glass before placing it on the wall by his elbow.

“Nope.”

“No?” David raised his eyebrows at him. “Just like that? You’ve been together for like… fifteen years.”

Patrick shook his head and moved to lean his elbows against the wall next to David, facing away from the party. “I told you last night, we broke up a couple of years ago. I love her, I’ll always love her, but she’s just a friend. I can’t give her what she wants.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

Patrick turned his head to look at David, his face serene. David squirmed slightly under the intense gaze. “David… I’m gay.”

David was suddenly very thankful he wasn’t holding his glass anymore while wishing he had something to fix his dry throat. “What?” His voice was barely above a whisper.

Patrick smiled at him. It was the kind of smile that David had only ever seen from Patrick, as though his mouth was in a war between frowning and smiling. “I wanted to tell you last year. I was going to. But… then… everything…”

“Went wrong?”

Patrick nodded. “Yeah.” He met David’s eyes again. “Didn’t you ever wonder why you never got a wedding invitation?”

“Honestly? I went so far out of my way to avoid knowing anything about your life…” He shrugged. “I just figured I’d hear about it eventually from Alexis.”

“And when we kept breaking up instead?”

“It’s you and Rachel. Wasn’t exactly surprising.” Patrick laughed, nodding as though he understood. David dropped his voice to almost a whisper. “You could have called.”

“What was it you said last night? Self preservation?” He shrugged, his gaze returning to the gardens. “After two years of trying to reach out to you… I couldn’t keep going.” He looked down at the glass in his hands, pushing more of his weight into his elbows as he leaned on the low wall. “I spent a long time wondering what I did to make you leave.”

“I told you, you didn’t _do_ anything. I just… knew if I stayed, I would have done something stupid. So I left.” He glanced over at the dance floor again and watched his sister dancing with their father. “I told myself it was better that way. Better to simply _imagine_ what your life was like than be confronted by it every day. Better to self-destruct on my own than let you see it. I got really good at it.” He finished ruefully; his eyes cast downward once more.

“I know. Alexis would drop little clues.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “When I heard her and Ted talking about in-patient rehab centers two years ago, I nearly caved. Bought a plane ticket and everything.”

“What stopped you?”

“I didn’t think I could handle seeing you like that. Or if you’d have wanted me to.”

David shook his head. “No. I didn’t want anyone to see me like that, most of all myself.” David twisted around, placing his elbows on the wall as he leaned forward, mirroring Patrick’s position. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

David paused, trying to find the words to encompass what he was feeling. All the things he wished he could take back. All the things he had missed out of a desire to protect his own heart. He turned on his hip to face Patrick. “Everything.”

Patrick turned into David, their hands almost touching as they both leaned one elbow against the wall, facing each other. “If it was anyone else… but you?” He shrugged with one shoulder. “All is forgiven.”

David looked at him for a moment, nodding ever so slightly. He pursed his lips together and took a breath.

David slipped his free hand around the back of Patrick’s head and he leaned in, pressing his mouth to Patrick’s in a soft, chaste kiss.


	8. Little Things I Should Have Said and Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to when it all began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are the sunshine of my life. My gratitude is never ending.
> 
> I'd apologize for keeping the cliff hanging, but... I'm not sorry. 
> 
> Chapter Title is from Willie Nelson's "Always On My Mind".

_Sixteen Years Ago_

David hated it here. There was absolutely nothing good about being here.

Okay, sure. His room was slightly larger than the one he had back in New York. And okay, the gardens that were being finished were looking promising. But outside of that, everything was terrible.

This town was lacking literally everything that David enjoyed in his life. There wasn’t a sushi restaurant to be found for miles. The Chinese food in the area was barely a step above Panda Express. And the pizza? It was insulting to pizza to put it in the same category.

And all of this because David had got _one silly_ DUI and Alexis had been stuck in _one_ communist run country. And sure, David had been fifteen. And not technically old enough to be driving _or_ drinking. And sure, Alexis was twelve and no one was _really_ sure how she had ended up in said communist country.

But honestly, Johnny and Moira were just overreacting by dragging them to this horrid little Canadian town, away from everything and everyone in their lives.

And now, this.

David stared up at the brick building before him. It was drab and sad. This was where his parents expected him to finish out the last few years of high school? David glanced down at his artfully torn jeans, black and white sweater, his designer sneakers and sighed. There was no way that any of the people inside this sad looking building were going to appreciate his aesthetic.

The only other person in this town who would appreciate his outfit was tucked away in the seventh grade, in a different building, leaving David to deal with this on his own.

He didn’t worry about Alexis, not really. She was always able to make friends, no matter where she was. He’d seen her make friends in situations where David would not have ever dared. It was her strongest character trait. Alexis Rose was never alone in a crowd.

David on the other hand…

He made his way into the building, his new schedule in his hand. It was bad enough that he was being forced to go to _public school_ , in _Canada_ , but to also be thrown in halfway through the year… David wanted to sink into the ground below him.

The first few classes of the day went by without incident. Neither teacher singled him out much more than introducing him to the class and he was extremely thankful for that. The last thing he needed was for a spotlight to be shown upon him. If the rest of his classes were the same, perhaps he could get through this after all.

He should have known it wouldn’t last.

He stepped into his history class and was immediately pounced upon by the teacher.

“You must be David!”

David startled back from the woman. Her bright cheerful smile, loud sweater, and bouncy blonde hair was an intense combination. He was never sure how to handle people like this. Back in New York they were few and far between, usually found as correspondents on the red carpets that his mother forced him to walk down to give her the appearance of a down to earth wife and mother.

“Um… yes.”

“Great!” The teacher wrapped an arm around his shoulders, ignoring the cringe that went through David’s body. “I’m Mrs. Schitt.” David knew his face was not hiding his feelings but there was nothing he could do to reign it in. “Class!” Her voice rang out and David felt himself shrinking back further.

“Oh God, please don’t.” He muttered as twenty pairs of judgmental eyes all turned on him.

“This is David Rose. He’s new. And I know you’ll all give him a big hearty Schitt’s Creek High welcome!” David tried to pull away but felt himself being yanked back against Mrs. Schitt. “David, why don’t you tell us something about yourself!”

“I’d really rather not.” David managed to extricate himself from her grip at last, wound his way to the back of the room and slumped into the first empty seat he could find.

He shrunk down into the seat as Mrs. Schitt went about her lesson on revolutionary era France and tried desperately to vanish. He paid attention to the lesson but couldn’t help notice the occasional glances that he was still receiving from the other students around him.

So much for getting through the day unscathed.

“So everyone split into teams of four and start outlining the changes you would have made to ensure a peaceful change from monarchy to democracy.”

David immediately began to panic. Day one in a new school, in his fourth class of the day and he was expected to find three other people to work with?

So this is what hell looked liked.

“Hey.” David looked up as the person sitting directly in front of him turned around, a soft smile on his face.

David smiled back, hesitantly. “Hi.”

“I’m Patrick.” The boy stuck his hand out to David, in a move that David couldn’t help but find odd from a sixteen-year-old.

“David.” He took Patrick’s hand and felt himself relax as his fingers were gripped by Patrick’s soft hand.

“Wanna join us?” Patrick hooked his thumb behind his shoulder, indicating two other boys who seemed to be waiting for Patrick.

“That… That would be nice.”

Patrick grinned and flipped his desk around to face David’s as the other two boys grabbed the two desks next to them and pushed them together creating a perfect square.

David smiled as the other two boys, Ted and Mutt, introduced themselves before the four of them began laying out the different ways they would have gone about things during the French Revolution.

David found himself falling easily into the assignment, hoping that maybe he found people he could manage to deal with for the next two and a half years.

*****

David ran down the staircase at the sound of the doorbell, exclaiming loudly to the staff that he’d open the door. He took a steadying breath before he flung the door open, a huge smile on his face, to find Patrick standing there.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” Patrick smiled back before stepping into the house. He looked around the foyer and shook his head. “I don’t care how many times you invite me over; I’ll never get used to the size of this house.”

“I don’t know why. This isn’t even close to the size of the house we had in LA.”

“That’s insane, David. I’m pretty sure my entire house could fit in just this room.”

David rolled his eyes as they walked down the hall towards the kitchen. “You’re exaggerating.”

Patrick paused by a door and pushed it open, pointing into the room. “David. This house has a ballroom.”

“Okay… I’ll give you that. Actually.” He pointed at Patrick. “I want to show you something. They finally finished the gardens.”

David pushed the door fully open and led Patrick through the ballroom. He pushed open the glass doors and pulled Patrick onto the patio.  
  
“Wow.” Patrick stopped suddenly on the patio and looked out to the vast gardens beyond.

“I know.” He grinned and grabbed Patrick’s arm, pulling him forward. “But this isn’t even the best part.”

They both trotted down the stairs and it took several steps for David to realize he was still holding on to Patrick’s arm. He dropped it, folding his arms across his chest to keep himself from reaching out again.

In the six months since David had met him on his first day at school, David could feel himself falling for Patrick. But he dared anyone to blame him. Patrick was smart and kind. He had followed up that first class by inviting David to sit with him and his friends at lunch and they had been inseparable since.

It was odd to David. He had never really had a true friend before, let alone a best friend. All the friends he had back in New York had been much more vapid, much more interested in doing things that they knew David could pay for; movies, shopping sprees, concerts. Patrick never asked anything of him. He wasn’t always sure what to make of it, but every day Patrick was there for him, with no expectations.

But for the last few months he knew his feelings were changing. Patrick wasn’t just the nice boy who talked to him that first day in Mrs. Schitt’s history class. David often had to stop himself from staring at Patrick in the quiet moments. But to David, Patrick was beautiful. His soft boyish features, his barely there eyebrows, and most of all, his laugh. David would do anything if it meant hearing Patrick laugh.

And David knew his feelings were in vain. Last month Patrick had started dating Rachel and David was happy for him. Rachel was sweet with her beautiful red hair and position on the cheerleading squad. She was the perfect embodiment of girl next door and she made Patrick happy.

He followed the path of the garden to the back and around a row of hedges until he had led Patrick right into a small, walled off garden with a bench, a tree stump, and a large swatch of grass.

David sat down on the bench and pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them and placed his chin on top. “This is my new favorite place.”

Patrick wandered slowly to the tree trunk, his hands deep in his pockets. “It’s quiet here.”

David nodded. “It’s why I like it. No parents. No annoying little sister. No staff. No… noise.”

“I’d figure you’d miss noise. You always talk about how it’s too quiet here compared to New York.”

“Mmmm. Different kind of noise. I miss the culture of New York. I miss being able to get whatever I want whenever I want.” He sighed. “I miss good pizza.”

Patrick burst out into laughter, doubling over as he sat on the tree stump. “The pizza here’s not _that_ bad, David.”

“Ugh. I can’t wait to take you to New York and show you what pizza is supposed to taste like.”

“Okay, David.”

They sat there for a moment, Patrick looking around as David looked at Patrick before David sighed and stood up from his place on the bench. “I _suppose_ we should go start on this stupid project.”

Patrick smiled and nodded. “Well… it is a major part of our final grade so… might be nice if we have it done.”

“Whatever.” They began the walk back to the house. “Why we need to know anything about the Napoleonic Wars…”

Patrick shrugged. “Cause Mrs. Schitt says so?”

“Ugh. I should totally be in charge of the curriculum at SC High. We’d learn about things that actually matter.”

“Like what… the complete discography of Mariah Carey?”

“For starters.” David smirked at him haughtily as they entered the house, Patrick’s laughter bouncing off the empty ballroom walls.

*****

David walked down the path towards the back garden. The lamp lights his mother had placed glowed in the night. David had lobbied her hard for these lamps, so he loved seeing them working so beautifully with the gardens around them.

He turned the corner into his little garden and smiled at the sight before him. Patrick was laying down on the grass, staring up at the night sky. He had been surprised when Adelina had knocked on his door and said Patrick was out here waiting for him. In the fifteen months since he had moved to Schitt’s Creek, Patrick had come over to the house more times than he could count. But he had never gone straight into the gardens. He always found David first.

David walked over to him and tapped his shoe against Patrick’s, his arms crossed against the chill in the evening air. “Hey.”

Patrick smiled up at the sky. “Hi.”

“What’s up?”

Patrick sighed, the smile dropping away from his face. “Rachel and I broke up.”

David bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from asking _again_? “I’m sorry.”

Patrick shrugged up against grass. “It is what it is.” Comfortable silence fell over them. David shifted to sit on the tree stump and looked up at the sky. “How many constellations can you pick out? I feel like after last semester we should be able to pick them all out.”

David snorted a laugh. “I think you had to pay attention in class for that to happen.”

“Fair. Come here… I think I can see the Big Dipper.”

“I can see fine from here.”

Patrick sat up on his elbows and looked over at David, leveling him with a look. “Lay down on the grass David.”

“Okay, except this is McQueen and grass stains don’t really _work_ with this look.” He flourished his hands in front of his body.

“Lay down on the fucking grass, David.”

David startled back slightly. “My _God_. I didn’t even know you knew how to say that word.”

Patrick laughed “Just lay down.”

David sighed and moved to lay down, delicately, on the grass next to Patrick. He shifted in the grass, conscious of how close he was lying next to Patrick. He wished he could say that his feelings for Patrick had abated in the months since witnessing Patrick break up with Rachel, date other girls, get back together with Rachel, and repeat all over again, but they had only grown stronger.

That’s not to say that David had closed himself off to other people. He’d dated a few girls himself. But the queer community wasn’t exactly bustling in Schitt’s Creek and he knew the downside of having almost all straight friends was that he would inevitably catch feelings for one of them.

He just wished it hadn’t been with his best friend.

David turned his head and looked over at Patrick as he described the different constellations he could see. He smiled at the way Patrick stumbled over trying to find some of the easier ones. David loved the way Patrick would get a tiny crinkle between his eyebrows when he was concentrating. Or how he would scold David to pay attention to him when he was droning on about baseball, or something for school.

“David, you’re not listening.”

David startled out of his reverie as Patrick nudged him. “No, I’m not. Constellations are boring, Patrick. Outside of Orion, who cares.” David turned to look back up at the sky.

Patrick laughed as he shifted slightly until their shoulders were touching. “Okay then, which one is Orion?”

David cleared his throat as he felt Patrick’s shoulder pressing against his own. He lifted his hand and pointed as he narrated. “Those three stars there. That’s Orion’s belt.”

“Where?”

“There.”

“That’s only two stars.”

David groaned and grabbed Patrick’s hand in his own, tracing the three stars in the sky with their hands clasped together. “There.”

“Ooooh.” David rolled his eyes at Patrick’s obviously feigned ignorance. David dropped his hand, feeling the loss immediately.

“My parents have started bugging me about college.”

“Ugh.” David rolled his eyes. “I’m sure mine will start at any moment. I’m seventeen. Like I’m supposed to know _exactly_ what I want to do with my life?”

“Don’t you?”

“I mean… sure.” Patrick laughed. “I want to bring art into the world.”

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t know. But over a year in this terribly drab town has made me realize that there is a criminally low amount of beauty in most places. Also, this town is _seriously_ lacking in good shopping.”

“What, the Schitt’s Creek General Store doesn’t live up to David Rose’s exacting standards?” David could hear the grin in his voice.

“Hardly. There’s way too many people making beautiful hand-crafted things for the General Store to be stocking Gel-Time products.” David sighed deeply. “I can’t wait to escape."

“Back to New York?” There was a slight sadness in his voice.

“The second I am able.” David closed his eyes and breathed deeply.

“I guess I’ll just have to soak up all the time with you that I can until then.”

David’s eye flew open as he felt Patrick’s knuckle brush up against the back of his hand. David turned his head ever so slightly to see Patrick’s eyes had closed shut.

Trying not to read too much into it, David turned his head back to the sky and closed his eyes, letting their silence wash over him in calm waves.

It wasn’t so bad here.


	9. Every Feeling, Every Word, I've Imagined It All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reception continues...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are all bright shining stars.
> 
> Someday I'm going to have one of you dream boats teach me how to do texts in a fic. Until then...
> 
> Chapter Title comes from Adele's "One and Only"
> 
> \-----
> 
> Content Warning: Mild discussion of addiction and mild sexual content. Reader discretion is advised.

_Current Day_

David pulled back slowly and what he’d done immediately hit him as though someone had slapped him across the face.

“Oh, God.” He dropped his hand from the back of Patrick’s head and took a step back.

“David…”

“Oh, God. I’m so sorry.” He shook his head furiously and attempted to step back farther but found himself halted by Patrick’s hand on his waist. “I’m so sorry.”

“David.”

“You come out to me and the first thing I do is jump you. Oh, God. I’m awful.”

“David.”

“I’m so sorry. I –“

“ _David_.” David startled at the force behind Patrick’s voice. He looked at Patrick, searching his face for any sign of anger but couldn’t find any. Patrick simply looked at him and smiled softly. “Shut up.”

David felt himself being pulled forward as Patrick wrapped both arms around his waist and pulled him in for another kiss.

David wasn’t a stranger to being kissed. Between his college days, his wild twenties, and the months he lost to addiction, David has kissed something like a thousand people. But it was never like this.

He felt himself melting into Patrick, his arms, as though they had a mind of their own, wound around Patrick’s shoulders and pulled him impossibly closer as he felt Patrick’s tongue flick against his lips. David’s mouth opened in invitation as a small breathy gasp left him.

For all the years that David had spent thinking about kissing Patrick, absolutely nothing prepared him for the actualization of Patrick’s hands on his waist and his tongue in David’s mouth.

It was incandescent.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, David registered that he was making out with his childhood best friend on the back patio of his parent’s house during his sister’s wedding. But as Patrick let out a tiny moan from the back of his throat and readjusted his hands to be under David’s jacket on his hip, David couldn’t find it in him to care.

Eventually they both pulled back, desperate for air. David kept his eyes closed as his head dipped forward, his forehead leaning gently against Patrick’s.

“Holy shit.”

He felt more than heard Patrick’s breathy laugh against his cheek as Patrick shifted his head slightly to knock his nose gently against David’s. 

“Thank you, David.”

David pulled back slightly and opened his eyes. “For what?”

“I was getting a little scared that I was going to let you walk away again without us having done that. So… Thank you, for making that happen for us.”

David tried desperately to control the grin that was threatening to break across his face. “Well… Fortunately I am a very generous person.”

Patrick’s laughter broke across his whole face as his thumbs stroked at David’s hip softly through his shirt. “Mmm. I remember well.”

David opened his mouth to protest but found it occupied again as Patrick captured his lips in another kiss. David wanted to be upset, but how could he be when Patrick’s fingers were digging into his back and his mouth was pressed against his.

David wasn’t sure how long they stood there, losing themselves in each other, and when a full body shiver tore through David, he honestly couldn’t tell if it was from the wind or Patrick.

Patrick pulled back, pulling his hands out from David’s jacket to run them softly up and down David’s side. “You’re freezing.”

“A little.” David grinned sheepishly.

“We should go back in.” Patrick turned to walk in, but David tightened his arms around Patrick’s shoulders.

“Sure. Sure. But my family is in there? And they’re the worst.” Patrick laughed, nodding. “And the second we step in that house this little moment we’re in is over… and I…” he sighed, running his hands over Patrick’s shoulders.

“Well. There is another option.”

“I think I’m a little old for Angelina Jolie to adopt me at this point.”

Patrick grinned and ducked his head slightly. “I _meant_ there’s always my place.” David’s eyes widened. “I don’t mean…” Patrick took a breath and squeezed David’s side softly. “We don’t have to do anything you aren’t comfortable with. But I think we should talk.” He grinned. “And I’d like to keep kissing you a bit more.”

David smiled and pulled away, reaching out to entwine his hand with Patrick’s. He hadn’t been with anyone since he had gotten sober again, not trusting himself after everything that had happened. But this was Patrick. He didn’t have to worry with Patrick. He knew he was safe.

He turned and pulled Patrick down the stairs into the garden. But instead of heading towards the back garden, David turned and headed toward the side of the house. He could feel Patrick squeezing his hand as they reached the front of the house.

David came to an abrupt stop, his movement so sudden that Patrick slammed into him slightly. “I just realized my keys are upstairs. And you came with Ted.” He turned towards Patrick to find him on his phone.

“Not a problem.” Patrick tugged on his hand and pulled him over to the town car that was sitting in the drive. He opened the back door and indicated for David to slide in.

“Ummm, I know I’m the unstable Rose sibling, but I draw the line at stealing Ted and Alexis’s car.”

Patrick rolled his eyes. “We’re borrowing it, not stealing it. They’re gonna come right back after dropping us off.” He held up his phone. “And I already cleared it with Ted. Get in the car, David.”

David looked at him, suitably impressed, and slid into the backseat. Patrick followed and as David settled in the comfortable leather seat, Patrick leaned forward and talked softly to the driver. A moment later, as they pulled out of the driveway, Patrick sat back, slid his hand around the back of David’s head and kissed him deeply.

*****

Patrick pushed open the door to his apartment and opened it wide, letting David follow him in before he closed the door. “So… welcome.”

David smiled softly and looked around the small studio apartment. “It’s cute.”

“Is that David for sad?”

“What?” David laughed turning to Patrick. “No! It’s cute. You’ve got this cute little fireplace!”

“I’m sure it’s nothing like your place in New York.”

David shrugged and walked over to the fireplace, looking at the pictures on Patrick’s mantle. “Just because my place is bigger, doesn’t mean it’s better.”

Patrick smiled softly. He shrugged out of his tuxedo jacket, hanging it over the back of one of the kitchen chairs and undid his tie before walking over to the fridge. “Water? Or I have…” He opened the fridge and looked inside. “Water. Sorry. It’s been a busy week.”

David grinned at him. “Water’s fine.” He turned back to the pictures, looking at the candid shots of all the people that used to be in his life. There was a group shot of all of them, Ted, Alexis, Mutt, Twyla, Patrick, and Rachel, at what looked like the infamous creek. They all looked so happy. Yet another reminder of what David had left behind.

He grabbed the small frame that was sitting slightly behind all the others and pulled it out, staring down at it. He felt Patrick coming up behind him as he continued to stare down at the picture.

“That was a good day.” Patrick’s voice was soft, wistful, as he stood close.

David hummed, smiling softly. “It really was.” He traced a finger along the frame. The shot, a candid from the day they had graduated high school, showed a person that David wasn’t sure existed anymore. His smile was bright and vibrant, his arm slung around a younger Patrick, his own smile blinding. “I’m surprised…”

“What?”

“I’m surprised you put it up.” David placed the frame back in its spot on the mantle. “I mean… You moved in here after I left.”

Patrick nodded. He handed a bottle of water to David before moving to the small couch and sitting down. “Yup. I’ve only been in this apartment about two years.”

David turned to face him; his arms folded protectively across his chest. “My point stands. After last year… I figured you’d have scrubbed me from your life.”

Patrick shook his head sadly. “I never wanted to scrub you from my life. I wanted the exact opposite of that.”

“What, you wanted me to dirty up your life?” David smirked as he wandered closer to Patrick.

“Yes. That’s exactly what I wanted.” Patrick nodded his head towards the empty seat next to him.

David sat down on the couch and turned to face Patrick. “So.”

“So.”

“Now that you’ve got me in your cute little apartment…” David grinned, shimmying his shoulders. “What is it that you were hoping would happen.”

Patrick turned to face him and looked at him for a moment before stretching his arm out along the back of the couch. His fingers skimmed the side of David’s head, brushing ever so softly through his hair.

“I just wanted some time alone with you, David. I will never ask, nor ever expect you to give me anything more than what you want to give me. You’re in control here, David. If all we do is talk tonight, I’ll be perfectly happy.”

David pursed his lips between his teeth and looked at Patrick. “No one…” He shook his head and leaned forward, kissing Patrick gently. He could feel Patrick’s fingers wind their way into David’s hair as Patrick responded eagerly.

David let himself get lost in Patrick’s kiss for a moment before he pulled away and stood. He shrugged off his suit coat and held out his hand, pulling Patrick from his seated position. He placed his hands on Patrick’s waist and pulled him into a kiss. He slipped his fingers through Patrick’s belt loops and began to walk backwards, pulling Patrick with him. He paused only when he felt the back of his knees hit Patrick’s bed.

Patrick took several deep breaths, taking a moment to reorient himself as to where they were standing now. “David… I didn’t bring you back here to…”

“I know.” David smiled and kissed him again. He reached out and began to undo the buttons of Patrick’s dress shirt. “I know you didn’t.”

“We don’t have to do anything you –“

“And if I want to?” Patrick smiled as David ran his hands up Patrick’s chest under the now open shirt and gently pushed it off his shoulders. “I don’t feel pressure to do anything here, Patrick. And there’s nothing I’m expecting from you.” He tapped a finger against Patrick’s belt, his eyebrow raised. When Patrick simply smiled David let his hands continue, slowly working the belt open. “But if it’s something you want too…” He pulled the belt from its loops and let it drop to the floor. “Consider this my wild, enthusiastic consent.”

Patrick grinned as he reached out and pulled David into a searing kiss. David became lost inside of it, his mind floating in bliss in a way that no drug had ever given him. It wasn’t long before he found himself on his back, both of them down to just their boxer briefs as Patrick was leaning over him, one leg in-between David’s, one hand cupping his cheek as he rested most of his weight on his elbow.

Patrick let his eyes roam over David as he shook his head slowly. He took in every angle, every inch and marveled at the man laying beneath him. “My God, David…”

David squirmed slightly under the scrutiny. “I know, I need to lose like –“

“Don’t change an inch, a pound, a single hair follicle.” Patrick cut him off sharply. When his eyes met David’s their usual honey color were dark with desire. “You are so unbelievably gorgeous. I have been in awe of your beauty since you walked into fourth period history all those years ago.”

David could feel the blush rising in his skin. He bit his bottom lip for just a second before surging upwards, and kissing Patrick with all the intensity he possessed.

What had started as soft, gentle kisses on the couch, and had moved to more intense ones as they undressed each other, were now filled with passion and desire unlike David had ever felt. He groaned and felt his hips float upwards as Patrick’s hips rocked down. He could feel Patrick hard against his hip and knew Patrick was feeling the same.

David pulled a deep groan from Patrick as he captured his lower lip between his teeth and scraped ever so gently. Patrick’s hand slid down David’s body, pausing at the band of David’s boxer briefs.

“Can I…?”

David nodded as he lifted his hips. “You too.” Patrick nodded and then suddenly it was all skin against skin.

They both moaned deeply as they pressed against each other. “What do you… how do you…?” Patrick struggled to get a full sentence out as he pushed his hips down against David’s and seemed unwilling to break their kiss long enough to get more than three words out.

“Like this. Just like this…” David bent his knee, forcing Patrick to drop down further into the vee of his hips, a gasp spilling from his lips. “Do you have…”

Patrick nodded before reaching across David to the nightstand and opening the top drawer. He pulled out the small bottle and David sighed in relief as he heard the _snick_ of the cap being opened.

A thought suddenly flitted across David’s mind, a breathy laugh escaping him.

“What?” Patrick paused, looking down at him.

“Nothing. It’s just…” he grinned at up Patrick. “The best man hooking up with a bridesmaid. If this isn’t the most cliché…” Patrick shook his head, a grin on his face as he leaned down and kissed David again. “I’m just saying.”

“David?” Patrick reached down and grasped them both in his now slick hand and squeezed with just the right amount of pressure. He grinned as David half gasped, half moaned. “Shut up.”

They moved together then, each pushing and pulling, chasing their own orgasm as they attempted to push the other over the edge. As they both neared completion, David’s left hand found its way into Patrick’s hair, tugging and pulling. His right hand, meanwhile, was suddenly grasped in Patrick’s, his silver rings digging into Patrick’s warm skin.

It was unbearably intimate and as David cried out and gasped as his orgasm overtook his body, he knew he had never had anything as good as this.

Patrick gripped his hand tighter as he followed David over the crest and David wanted to cry with the absolute joy and elation he was feeling.

Later, after they had cleaned up and collapsed back against the sheets, David lay with his head on Patrick’s chest, Patrick’s fingers carding through his hair and he felt as though maybe, just possibly, someone, somewhere, had found a way to forgive David for his past.

As he listened to Patrick’s slow steady breathing, he prayed to whomever was listening that someday he could forgive himself, too.

*****

David blinked his eyes open and paused. He didn’t recognize the wall in front of him, the sheets over him, and there was someone’s arm draped over his waist. David panicked for only a moment before the night before came flooding back to him.

He was at Patrick’s. Because he had kissed Patrick. Because he had slept with Patrick.

Oh my god he had sex with Patrick.

Slowly, carefully, David extracted himself from under Patrick’s arm and slid out of bed. He could tell from the pale light coming from behind the curtains that it was still early. He found his boxer briefs and undershirt where he had discarded them on the floor and slipped them both on. He grabbed his phone out of his pants pocket and padded softly over to the couch.

He curled up on the small loveseat and flipped through his texts.

There were several from his sister, who had obviously been told where he was by Ted. After initially being annoyed with him for leaving, her messages were a flurry of emojis that he believed were meant to convey her happiness at his current situation.

Stevie’s messages were much more straight forward.

 **Stevie:** Um… u weren’t kidding. Jake? Worth the plane ride.

 **Stevie:** Where did u go? I cant find u anywhere. Please tell me ur not in that little back garden thingy pining.

 **Stevie:** Okay I checked the garden and your room. Seriously David, where the fuck are u? Your sister is leaving in a minute.

 **Stevie:** HOLY FUCK DID YOU LEAVE WITH PATRICK?!

 **Stevie:** TED SAID YOU DISAPPEARED WITH THE BEST MAN. OH MY GOD DAVID!!!!!

 **Stevie:** I hope u know I expect details. DETAILS. Graphic ones.

He grinned, sent along a singular winking emoji and then turned off his phone. He wanted to stay in the bubble he had created for just a little while longer.

David leaned back into the cushions and replayed every moment of last night in his head again. When he got to the end he grinned and rewound to the beginning, a never-ending film strip of happiness playing in his mind. He wasn’t sure how long he sat there but by the time Patrick started to stir, the sun had risen fully.

He smiled softly as he watched Patrick reach out to the other side of the bed before sitting up quickly when he realized David wasn’t there.

“Hi.” David kept his voice low.

Patrick met his eyes from across the room and a smile broke out across his face. “Hi.” He ran his hand over his face and through his hair, a soft blush breaking out across his porcelain features. “I thought…” He shook his head, laughing softly. “I’m surprised you’re up.”

“Fun side effect of my sobriety. I’m now an early riser.”

Patrick climbed out of bed, pulling on his own briefs and undershirt before wandering over towards David. “David Rose, a morning person. Who’d have thought?” He walked behind the couch, pausing to lean over and kiss David softly. “Good morning.” He whispered against his lips before continuing on to the kitchen.

“Morning.” David grinned and whispered back. He cleared his throat gently as he twisted to watch Patrick as he filled the tea kettle and placed it on his stove. “And I never said I was a morning person. Just because I’m awake, doesn’t mean I’m enjoying it.”

Patrick laughed as he pulled two mugs down from the counter. “Tea? Or would you prefer coffee?”

“Since when do you drink coffee?”

“I don’t. But I keep some here just in case…”

“Dating a lot of coffee drinkers, are we?” David grinned at the blush on Patrick’s face. “ _Really_!”

Patrick looked at him, trying to hide the grin on his own face. “Do you want the coffee or not?”

“Tea’s fine.” David watched Patrick move seamlessly around the kitchen, preparing both mugs before grabbing them and heading back to the couch. He handed David one of the mugs and sat down next to him, drinking deeply.

“So just how many coffee drinkers have you dated?” David took a deep sip from his mug, letting the warm liquid wash over him.

Patrick regarded him from over his own mug carefully. He shifted, folding one leg under his body so that he could face David fully. “You know,” David could feel the energy shift. “You’re the reason I finally figured it out.”

“What?” David placed his mug on the coffee table and gave Patrick his full attention.

“Two years ago. When… When Alexis called Ted about getting you in treatment. I was at Ted’s house.” David nodded, biting his lower lip as he listened. “Rachel and I had been broken up for about six months and it was about the time that we usually got back together.” Patrick paused, clearing his throat gently. “I left Ted’s and spent the rest of the night worried about you. I spent a long time after that worried about you, actually.”

David nodded. He was aware of the hell that his addiction had caused for the people in his life. He wasn’t surprised to find out that Patrick had been caught as collateral damage.

“I realized that I was more worried about a man I hadn’t seen for eight years than I had _ever_ been about Rachel. For all that I still cared about you, I knew that we were essentially strangers. And yet…” He shrugged. “I had already started to wonder but having you come so strongly into my stream of consciousness again just cemented it for me.”

David sighed and looked down at his hands in his lap. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For not being here. For making you feel like you couldn’t reach out to me to talk about it. For not being in a place where I could have handled it if you did.” He bit his lower lip and looked away, not wanting Patrick to see the emotion in his eyes. He cleared his throat and shook his head slightly.

“David…”

David took a deep breath and forced his face to relax before meeting Patrick’s eyes again. “Schitt’s Creek isn’t _exactly_ a hotbed for queer culture. I kind of… left you hanging to figure it out alone.”

Patrick smiled. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t know.” He shrugged. “I got through it. Luckily Toronto’s not that far. Visited a couple of gay bars.” His smile morphed into a grin. “Cleaned up pretty well.”

David laughed, bright and unabashed. “I bet you did.”

“Plus, Jake? Always up for anything.”

“Oh, God.” David groaned. “Please tell me _Jake_ wasn’t your first queer experience.”

“No.” Patrick laughed. “Haven’t actually partaken in that particular offering. Though it has been offered. A lot.”

“He should be so lucky.” David smiled softly.

Patrick reached out cupped David’s cheek, brushing his thumb gently under David’s eye, wiping away a stray tear that David hadn’t even realized had fallen.

“I don’t know how to ask you what I need to ask you.” Patrick’s voice was barely a whisper.

David shrugged. “You can ask me anything.”

Patrick’s smile turned sad as he kept David’s face in his hand. “Was this just a one night thing?”

David brought his hand up to cover Patrick’s, turning his head to kiss Patrick’s palm. “I don’t want it to be. But you live here. And I live in New York.”

“I know.” Patrick curled his fingers, scratching at David’s scalp gently. “But… David… are you happy in New York?”

David furrowed his brows. “What kind of question is that? It’s New York! What’s not to love? Museums. Amazing restaurants. Fantastic parties. Culture. Night life. Excitement. What _doesn’t_ New York have?”

Patrick smiled at him. “Yeah. But are you _happy_?”

David looked at him for a long moment. He could easily lie and tell Patrick that moving to New York was the best thing that had ever happened to him, that he loved every minute that he was there. But looking at Patrick, he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

“I haven’t been happy for a very long time.”

Patrick shrugged. “Maybe… maybe you could be happy here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do your girl a solid and keep wearing those masks and staying home when you can. Take it from me, even a mild case isn't fun. Its draining and nerve wracking. I know we're all getting bored of this thing but we're in the home stretch now.


	10. You Make Me Feel Like I Am Home Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end. And the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will never be able to express to you all what writing this, and having it embraced by you all, has meant to me. I wrote this as a way to flex my writing muscles and to do something I had always wanted to do (an AU) but never had the courage to try. Your comments and kudos have been a main contributor to my ability to keep going. You all have my love and adoration, whoever you are. 
> 
> This is slightly later than I had planned. So to make up for that here's a super sized ending.
> 
> Of note, as it was when jumping into the past, all time is calculated from the "Current Day" of Alexis's wedding weekend and not compounded upon itself (ie; two months from Alexis's wedding, eight months from Alexis's wedding etc.)
> 
> Title is from The Cure's "Lovesong" though I personally adore the Adele cover.
> 
> \-----  
> Content Warning: This chapter includes very tame mentions of addiction and eating disorders. Reader discretion is advised.

_Two Months Later_

“I can’t believe you’re refusing to take me to dinner, today of all days.” David stepped out of the cab behind Stevie, a pout settled deep in his face.

“Oh. My God. I told you, I have things to do.” Stevie rolled her eyes at him as she pulled open the door to their building and held it open for him.

“But we always go out to dinner after a meeting.” David breezed past her and reached out to hit the button on the elevator.

“You got a shiny new keychain, isn’t that enough? Do you really need fries?”

David smiled as they stepped into the elevator, pulling the newly acquired keychain from his pocket. He turned it in his hands to read the inscription; _Clean and Serene for Twelve Months_.

This wasn’t the first time he’d been given one of these. He had a whole collection in a box in the back of his closet, celebrating thirty days, six months, and twelve months clean and sober. But somehow, this one means more.

A year ago, he never would have guessed that he could be back here. The first time he got clean had been a struggle. But relapsing, setting all of his hard work on fire in a single night, had all but destroyed his confidence. Standing here now, holding the tacky off brand keychain in his hand… David had never been more proud of himself.

Which was why he was so annoyed that Stevie was refusing to celebrate with a plate of fries at the diner.

He stepped out of the elevator behind her and followed her down the hall to their apartment, refusing to let it go.

“I just don’t understand why you’re being so mean to me.”

Stevie scoffed as she keyed open their door. “Oh yeah, I’m being _so mean_.” She rolled her eyes and gestured for David to walk into the apartment ahead of her.

David pouted as he stalked past her, folding his arms over his chest. “You are. _So_ mean to me.” He walked down the small hallway into the large open room of their apartment and came to an immediate halt.

The room was covered in candles, their glow bouncing off every stainless steel surface of his kitchen, and dancing across the large open windows. He felt Stevie walking up behind him, but he only had eyes for the man standing in the middle of it all.

“Still think I’m mean?” Stevie asked.

“The worst.” David whispered, his eyes never straying from the man standing before him.

“Mmm. Enjoy.” He could hear the smile in Stevie’s face as she turned and left the apartment, the lock of the door clicking behind her.

David shook his head slowly, his hand coming up to cover his mouth as a grin threatened to break his face. “What are you doing here?” His whisper was wet as tears began to pool in his eyes.

“I heard the pizza was good.” Patrick shrugged as he smiled over at David.

David continued to shake his head as he walked over to Patrick, his eyes wide as though he couldn’t believe he was really there. He reached out and ran a hand softly along the buttons of Patrick’s shirt. “What are you doing here?” He repeated.

“This really cute guy I’m dating is one year sober today.” He placed his hand over David’s holding it tight against his chest. “And he deserves to be celebrated.”

There was nothing David could do to stop the tears from falling down his face.

Patrick lifted his hands to cradle David’s face, using his thumbs to brush the tears away gently. “Don’t cry.” He whispered, leaning forward to kiss David’s forehead.

David placed his hands on Patrick’s wrists and leaned forward, placing all his weight on Patrick’s shoulder. Patrick’s fingers wound their way into David’s hair and David could feel them scratch gently against his scalp as his lips pressed a soft kiss to David’s temple.

The last two months had been intense. Though David knew that New York didn’t make him happy anymore, that it wasn’t where he belonged, he was reluctant to return to Schitt’s Creek. He wanted to be with Patrick, there was no question of that. But he had let relationships dictate too much of his life to upend it all just for a relationship, even with Patrick.

So David leaned on his recovery to give himself some time to figure out what he wanted for his life. When he expressed to Patrick, back on his little couch that morning in Schitt’s Creek, that it was recommended to not make any more major life choices in the first year of recovery, Patrick took it in stride. He didn’t pressure David, he never made David feel as though he was making the wrong choice. He was truly letting David steer the ship.

That’s not to say they separated that morning and never looked back. The distance forced them to focus on learning who each other were now, as adults. David knew everything about teenaged Patrick, about college Patrick. But he didn’t know _this_ Patrick. Business consultant, little league coach Patrick was not the same Patrick that David used to try bribe into doing his math homework.

They spent hours on the phone or on FaceTime talking about everything and anything. They talked about David’s past relationships, about Patrick coming out. They talked about what being together would really mean, and what terrified them. David found himself sharing more with Patrick over the phone than he had with any therapist, let alone a partner.

But he wasn’t expecting him to be in New York. They had made plans to see each other, but not for another two weeks. David had gone out of his way to make sure that Patrick didn’t feel any sort of guilt to come to New York, to be the one to do the travelling. He had mentioned off handedly the week prior that tonight would be when he received his one-year accolade. But he never expected Patrick to come.

They found themselves on David’s couch, Patrick holding him close as tears continued to fall. They sat in comfortable silence as David pulled himself together, part of him still in disbelief that not only was Patrick there in New York, but there to be with him.

David took a deep breath and pulled back. He wiped the final tears from his face and looked at Patrick, the smile still on his face. “I’m sorry.”

“What could you possibly be sorry for?”

“I don’t know… That was probably not the reaction you were looking for when you decided to travel all the way here.” David rolled his eyes, exasperated with himself. “Sitting on the couch while I cry is definitely not what you came here for.”

“I came here for the pizza.” David snorted out a laugh, pitching forward to tuck his face into Patrick’s neck. “I’m serious!” Patrick was shaking with laughter. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since you told me I’ve never had real pizza before.”

“Of all the conversations we’ve had these two months, _that’s_ what you got out of it?” David sat back up to stare at him, a look of incredulousness on his face.

Patrick shrugged. “Maybe.” He smirked as the buzzer to David’s front door went off. He winked, badly, before standing and hitting the button to let in whoever was at the door. Patrick walked away from David down the hall to the door, leaving David in a state of confusion. A few moments later, Patrick returned with two pizza boxes in his hands, a grin on his face.

“My _God_.”

“I told you.” Patrick placed the pizzas on the kitchen counter and turned to find David standing right behind him. “I came here for the pizza.”

David laughed and moved to the cabinet to pull out plates before walking to the refrigerator and pulling out two bottles of water. He handed one to Patrick, an apologetic smile on his face.

“Sorry, I wish I could offer you something else.”

“This is fine, David.” Patrick smiled, taking the water.

They each grabbed a plate and settled themselves at David’s table. It never ceased to amaze David how easy their conversations were. Having spent so many years without any communication, it was as though no time had lapsed between them.

Except now David could lean over and kiss him whenever he wanted. So he did.

David pulled back to see the stunned smile across Patrick’s face, having been kissed for apparently no reason mid-sentence.

“What was that for?”

“’Cause I felt like it. And for coming here.” David bit his lower lip, dropping his eyes to his empty plate. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“David. I’m very proud of you.”

David scoffed and rolled his eyes, balling up his napkin in his hand. “Oh yeah. Managed to not screw up for twelve whole months.”

“Hey.” Patrick reached out and placed his hand on David’s arm. “Getting sober once is hard enough. But you pulled yourself out of it, again, and I’m so proud of you for that.”

“I didn’t… Stevie pulled me out.” David shook his head, refusing to meet Patrick’s gaze.

“David.” Patrick stood and crowded David, cradling his face in his hands. He forced David to meet his gaze, brushing his thumbs across David’s cheeks softly. “Stevie gave you a rope, but you made the choice to pull yourself out. And you continue to make that choice every single day. And I am so _fucking_ proud of you for that.”

Patrick leaned down and kissed him slowly, reverently. David shifted below him, turning fully towards Patrick and spreading his legs, allowing Patrick to slot between them and lean further into him. David’s hands floated up to rest on the back of Patrick’s thighs and slowly moved up and down, his fingertips just barely grazing Patrick’s ass with each pass.

“Patrick…”

“Hmmm?”

David pulled back and blinked up at him slowly. “Take me to bed.”

Patrick’s grin was brighter than all the candles.

*****

_Four Months Later_

David had just placed his suitcase on the bench at the end of his bed when a knock came from his door.

“Yeah?” David called out, wondering what his parents could want from him already. He’d been in Schitt’s Creek for less than five minutes, was it asking too much to give him time to unpack before bombarding him?

He looked up as the door swung open and felt his face go from annoyed to elated in a single instance.

“So hostile.” Patrick smirked as he walked into the room, closing the door behind him.

“How… Adelina doesn’t even work here anymore!”

Patrick shook his head, walking towards David to wrap his arms around him. “Adelina’s not my source anymore.” He leaned up and kissed David gently.

“Then how…?”

Patrick pulled his phone out of his pocket and wiggled it back and forth in the air. “Stevie’s been tracking you.”

“What the _fuck_?”

Patrick laughed at the look on his face and kissed him again before pulling away to sit on the edge of David’s bed.

“You know you could have just stayed with me this weekend, right?”

David shrugged pulling several sweaters out of his suitcase and heading into the closet to put them away. “I don’t want to encroach on your space.”

“David. You’re not _encroaching_ on my space. I want you in my space. You’re here specifically to be in my space.”

David rolled his eyes and kept emptying his suitcase. “You know what I mean. You live alone.”

“I do.”

“So…” David could feel his body attempting to shake out the nervous energy that was building up.

“So.”

“You don’t need me _messing_ up your space!”

“You’re not going to mess up my space! I want you there!”

“You say that now, but then you’ll get sick of me. And my sweaters. And the next thing I know my boyfriend will be all resentful that my skin care is crowding his bathroom counter and taking over all of his space. And then where will I be?”

Patrick grinned up at him. “What did you just say?”

“That you’ll resent me!”

Patrick stood and started walking slowly towards him, his face in an ecstatic grin. “No… I think it was something about your _boyfriend’s_ space?”

“I… That…” David cleared his throat and backed away slightly from Patrick as he advanced toward him. “I don’t remember saying that…”

“No, no. I definitely heard _boyfriend_.” He wrapped his hand around David’s wrist and pulled him into an embrace. “And my boyfriend can take as much space in my apartment as he wants.”

“I… That’s…”

Patrick halted the rest of whatever excuse David was going to make with a kiss, his fingers digging into the soft fabric of David’s sweater.

They broke apart eventually and David abandoned the rest of his unpacking to go with Patrick to lunch. They took Patrick’s car, parking down by town hall before walking slowly, hand in hand, towards the café.

David paused, pulling Patrick back as they passed by the old Schitt’s Creek General Store. He looked at the closing signs in the window, a frown on his face.

“They’re closing?”

“Yeah.” Patrick leaned against him slightly. “I’m surprised it lasted this long, honestly. It was even more of a disaster lately than when we were kids.”

“They used to place the fungal cream next to the cereal, so I’m not sure how _that’s_ possible.”

Patrick shrugged, tugging on David’s hand gently, heading towards the café once more. “They stopped carrying all name brands. 99% of the items were expired. Trust me, it was possible.” Patrick opened the door to the café for David, letting him step inside ahead of him, laughing slightly at the disgusted look on David’s face.

Patrick placed his hand on David’s lower back, steering him gently towards the second to last booth against the wall. David grinned as he slid into seat, images of them as teenagers sitting in this booth working on their homework or avoiding their families flooding his mind.

“It’s really too bad. It’s a good location. In the right hands…” David sighed and opened the giant menu, looking to see if the burger he favored in high school was still on the menu.

“Okay, so…”

David startled up at the tone change in Patrick’s voice, immediately closing his menu. “Oh, God. What did I do?”

“What? Nothing. Why would you… David why would you think you did something?”

“Habit?”

Patrick chortled, rolling his eyes slightly. “You didn’t do anything, I just… wanted to breach the subject of our… current predicament.”

“Which predicament would that be?” He lifted his menu back up and continued to peruse. “The what to have for lunch predicament? The where am I sleeping this weekend predicament? Or –“

“The do you still want to be in New York, predicament.”

“Ah.” David nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat before lowering the menu once more, this time closing it completely. He’d found the burger; he knew what he was ordering. “ _That_ predicament.”

“Yeah.” Patrick folded his hands gently in front of him, his fingers laced together as one thumb worried the palm of the other, a sign of his nerves. “And I don’t want to pressure you. And I don’t want you to think that I’m not happy with how things are, because I am. But…” He took a deep breath and met David’s eyes.

“But.”

“You had said you weren’t happy in New York, anymore.”

“I’m not.”

“I think you could… I think I could make you happy here.”

David smiled softly and reached out a hand, slipping it into Patrick’s, halting the nervous tick. “I know you could.” Patrick stayed quiet, giving David the room he needed to get his feelings across. “But I’m worried about shifting my whole life for a relationship. I’ve done that too many times.”

“I know that. I do.” Patrick squeezed his hand. “And I don’t want you to come home to be with me.” David cocked his eyebrow at him skeptically. “I don’t! If you move back, I want you to do so because _you_ want to. In fact, I want you to take me out of the equation completely. If we weren’t together… would you still want to come home?”

David sighed. “That’s an impossible question.”

“Why?”

David squeezed Patrick’s hands tighter. “Because you are the _only_ thing that ever made being here worth it.”

Patrick’s eyes softened. He dropped David’s hand and slid out of the booth, taking the two steps to David’s side quickly before sitting down next to him. He wrapped one hand around the back of David’s neck and kissed him deeply. The kiss was probably too much for such a public setting, but David couldn’t find it in himself to care as he opened his mouth at the flick of Patrick’s tongue.

When the need for air overpowered their desire to keep kissing, David kept his eyes closed as Patrick pressed their foreheads together, their breathing ragged and desperate.

“Come home.” Patrick whispered. “We’ll figure the rest out together.”

Later, as they were finishing their meal, David found himself imagining having more days like this one. The meal was subpar, as it had always been at Café Tropical, but just like when he was a teen, the company more than made up for it.

He picked up a French fry and twirled it around on the plate. “If I were to come home…” He glanced up at Patrick for just a moment, clocking the nervous look on his face before he lowered his gaze back to the fry in his hand. “I wouldn’t be able to do it for at least a month or two. You know… jobs to quit, apartments to pack up.”

Patrick nodded, folding his arms, laying them against the top of the table. “Okay.”

“And I don’t _love_ the idea of leaving Stevie. Or my regular meeting.”

“I get that.”

“And I can’t move in with you. Your apartment is way too small and that hole you call a closet would inevitably force us to break up.”

“Noted.”

“And… I’d want to find something to do. I can’t just… sit around all day long. I like working.”

“I’ll ask around, see if anyone knows of any career opportunities for someone with your skill set.” Patrick grinned. “Maybe Bob needs someone to curate the aesthetic of his garage.”

“I know you’re making fun of me, but yes, he absolutely does.” David looked haughtily back at him before popping the fry in his mouth.

As they passed by the General Store on their way back to Patrick’s car, David stopped again, staring at the store front.

“You know, in the right hands this could really be something.”

Patrick wrapped his arms around David from behind and hooked his chin over David’s shoulder. “You mentioned that.”

David rested his hands on top of Patrick’s arms. “There’s a lot of really talented people around here. Who make some really beautiful things. There should be somewhere for people to access them. To bring those beautiful things into their own lives.”

Patrick hummed, pressing a kiss into David’s shoulder. “You did always say this town was lacking in good shopping.”

“Mmmm.” David patted Patrick’s arms before disentangling them. “Can we stop at town hall?”

“Sure. Any particular reason?” Patrick smiled, knowingly.

“Just… something I’d like to discuss with counsel.”

*****

_Six Months Later_

David dropped his bag on the bench at the end of his bed and sighed deeply. Two months of putting in his notice at the gallery, packing up his office, packing up his apartment, all while filing incorporation papers and making contacts with the local artisans of the greater Elms had left David exhausted.

When he had returned to New York, the decision made, he was most worried about telling Stevie. She had been such a big part of his life for the last decade that he couldn’t imagine not seeing her every day. He should have known that Stevie wouldn’t react the way he expected.

“I figured.”

“What?”

Stevie had shrugged, moving to grab another slice of pizza from the kitchen counter. “Yeah, I mean… the second you got together with Patrick... Plus you’re miserable here.”

“I wouldn’t say _miserable_.” She had looked at him skeptically. “But no, I haven’t been happy.”

Stevie had nodded, taking a comically large bite of pizza. “I hate moving.” She had murmured around the bite.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“I hear Elmdale is nice, though.”

“What?” David had stuttered, looking at her. “Elmdale?”

Stevie had shrugged again. “Sure. I think I’m done with New York for now. I mean… what am I going to do, stay here alone and continue to work at my sad job?” She had leveled him with a look that screamed sarcasm. “I can work a sad job anywhere. And what better place to find one that rural Canada?”

David had never loved her more.

These two months had both dragged and flown by at the same time as the time to leave approached. In the end, he had sold most of his furniture, placing what little remained in storage pod and flew home, knowing that Stevie would be following in a week.

He stared around his room, boxes were piled along the wall and trunks of clothing sat on the floor of his closet. Unpacking for just a few days was usually an hour-long task. Unpacking all of his belongings was going to take days. He sighed, running a hand over his face as he looked around. He was already completely overwhelmed.

He had been standing there for a few minutes, looking around and trying to figure out where he would start when he noticed it.

Sitting on the desk was an old worn copy of a book. David walked over to it and looked down at the page that it was open to. He smiled as he recognized the passage.

_“Might I,” quavered Mary, “might I have a bit of earth?”_

David tapped his fingers along the words, smiling down at the page. There was only one person who would leave him a copy of _The Secret Garden_ on his desk, and there was only one thing it could possibly mean.

David bounded down the stairs of the back patio and could feel the grin on his face. He wrapped his arms around his chest as he made his way through the gardens to the small walled off garden in the back. He paused at the entrance and took a moment to appreciate the image before him.

Sitting there, on the bench near the back wall, was Patrick. His eyes were closed, his face was tilted up into the sun, and his arm was stretched along the back of the bench. He looked happy, calm. David almost didn’t want to disturb him. But the longer he stood there, the more he could feel the itch, the utter _need_ , to be touching him.

Moving as quietly as he could, David walked to the back of the garden and slipped onto the bench. Before Patrick had the chance to open his eyes, David twisted on the bench and laid down, his head resting gently against Patrick’s leg as David’s own feet dangled off the side.

David closed his eyes and took a deep breath, the stress of the last few months seemed to dissipate from his body the second he made contact with Patrick. He could hear the smile on Patrick’s face as his hand came down to grab David’s.

“I see you got my message.”

“Mmm. Mmhmm.” David smiled, his eyes staying closed. “Very subtle.”

“I think it was.”

“Almost _too_ subtle. You’re just lucky I knew what it meant.”

“I thought about getting a robin to lead you while holding a key but the logistics…”

David opened one eye slightly to see the smirk on Patrick’s face. “You’re a troll, you know that.” Patrick laughed, nodding in agreement.

They sat there in comfortable silence for a few minutes longer before David shifted, sitting up next to Patrick, one leg bent on the bench so that he was facing him. “I want to show you something.”

David shifted to reach into his pocket, squirming slightly to pull something out. As he did so, he felt Patrick’s hand flutter against the side of his head, as though Patrick couldn’t stand to not be touching him for even a moment.

David knew the feeling.

He pulled the keychain out of his pocket and handed it Patrick. Patrick took it in his free hand and smiled down at it. “David. This is amazing.”

David nodded, tucking his lips between his teeth as he kept his eyes on the keychain, leaning slightly into Patrick’s hand in his hair. “Didn’t get one of these last time… Felt good.”

Patrick grinned, looking at the keychain and its embossed words. _Clean and Serene for Eighteen Months_.

“I am really proud of you, David.” He curled his fingers around the shell of David’s ear and leaned forward to kiss him softly.

David blushed a deep crimson. “Thank you. I am too.”

“And I would love to sit here and make out with you in the garden in celebration…”

“Mmm that sounds nice.” David grinned,

“ _But_ you need to go to the store and finalize some paperwork. And you have a meeting with two vendors this afternoon. And then your parents want to have dinner with us. And your sister called me this morning. Something about wanting to make her own line of festival wear to sell at the store.”

David groaned and leaned forward to hide in the crook of Patrick’s neck. “No.”

Patrick laughed, pressing a kiss to David’s temple. “No? To which?”

“Dinner and my sister.”

“Well…” Patrick gently removed David from his neck before standing, holding his hand out to force David to stand. He threaded his fingers through David’s and began to lead him out of the garden. “I already agreed to dinner with your parents and told your sister that we aren’t looking to add that kind of product to the store, just yet.”

David squeezed Patrick’s hand as they walked. “Wow. Taking you on as my business consultant was a really good idea.” He grinned as Patrick laughed.

“Didn’t have a whole lot of options of people who could file your paperwork for you, if we’re being honest.”

“Eh. I could have gone to Ray.”

“Yeah, ‘cause I can see you handling those phone calls well.” David rolled his eyes as they reentered the house and made their way towards the front door. “But actually, I wanted to talk to you about that.”

“Uh oh.” David stopped, by the base of the stairs, looking over at Patrick. “Did my business license get revoked? Did the credit card machine not arrive? Did Warner Farms cancel their account?! Their goat cheese is _really_ good Patrick. I want it for the store!”

Patrick laughed, grabbing David by his biceps. “No. David. Stop. Your business license is fine, the credit card machine is coming on Friday, and Warner Farms signed their contract yesterday. I meant I wanted to talk to you about being your business consultant.”

“Oh.” David blinked. “You don’t want to be my business consultant?”

“I don’t.”

“Oh. Oh.” David looked down at the marble floors of his parents’ foyer before clearing his throat and meeting Patrick’s eyes. “That’s okay. I understand. Being my boyfriend _and_ my business consultant is too much, I get that. It’s totally fi –“

“David. That’s not it.” Patrick cut him off, squeezing his arms gently. “I want to be a full partner.”

“What?”

“What you’ve put together, from the vendors you’ve found to the design of the logo… everything is really amazing. And I’d like to be a part of it. I don’t want to just be your consultant, watching everything from the sideline. I want to be a part of it.” He smiled softly at David. “Besides, I’m a little frightened of what will happen come tax time. Stevie told me about your knowledge of a write off.”

“ _Okay_ …” David broke away from Patrick’s grip, moving to open the front door. “I know what a write off is.”

“Really?” Patrick exited the house and pulled out the keys to his car. “’Cause I don’t think you do.”

“Why did I move back here again?”

Patrick grinned as he slid into the car next to David. “Something about my charming smile and sparkling personality.”

“Ugh. Gross.”

*****

_Eight Months Later_

David fluttered around the space, turning every bottle, every jar, to ensure that the label was facing the correct way. That any and all spouts were at the correct forty-five-degree angle. That every piece of product was spaced the same amount apart from each other.

He knew his nerves were getting to him, but if he stopped moving, if he kept still for a moment, he was afraid he was going to vibrate out of his skin. Or worse, his hands would be so restless they would fling about with the simplest phrase and undo all of his careful staging.

He’d been working towards opening Rose Apothecary for the better part of six months and intellectually, he knew they were ready. The vendors had all been found, contracts signed, and product delivered. Every inch of the old general store had been redesigned; the hardwood floors had been polished, new shelves and tables were acquired, a standing refrigeration unit had been added for the cheeses, dips, and wines that needed to be kept cool. David had spent almost every moment of the last two months since he returned to Schitt’s Creek in this space. Or thinking about this space. Or making phone calls about this space.

And he knew that he wasn’t doing this alone. Patrick had been by his side the whole way, giving advice when needed, drafting vendor contracts, dealing with permits, and tax forms, and other business-y things that David couldn’t even name. But the knowledge of all of that didn’t stop the nerves from taking root in his mind.

When he had arrived that morning, thirty minutes before the store was set to open, he was shocked to find a line wrapping around the building. They had discussed, at length, whether or not to have a soft or grand opening, an argument that David was satisfied to have won. Today was only supposed to be a small, select group of VIPs who would be given the opportunity to shop, test products, and allow any and all kinks to be worked out of the system before the store was opened to the public on Monday.

Instead, David walked past a line of at least seventy-five people, some of whom were very off brand for the type of clientele that David had wanted for his store. Especially the one woman who had used very strong language when telling him not to cut in line.

But now, they were only a few moments away from opening and David could feel the tension radiating off of him as he straightened out the bottles of body milk for the fifth time.

“David, they’re fine.”

David spun around to stare at Patrick as he walked out of the back room, pulling the curtain closed behind him, shielding the pile of boxes from the store floor.

“I just…” He made to turn back to the bottles but found his movement halted by Patrick’s hands on his biceps. “I want everything to be perfect.”

“Everything is perfect. You’re just nervous.”

David sighed. “I know.”

“Everything is going to be fine. Coming back to Schitt’s Creek, opening this store, putting yourself out there… I want you to know what you’re doing is very brave and I don’t want to add more stress to your day, but I love you.”

David blinked at him slowly, taking a step back to extract himself from Patrick’s hold. “Okay, so you just said that to me for the first time _knowing_ it would make my day more stressful.”

“That’s correct.”

“Because you know I’ve never said that to anyone else aside from my parents twice, a handful of times to Alexis and one time at –“

“At a Mariah Carey concert. I know. And I don’t expect you to say it back to me right now, say it when you’re ready. It just felt right to me in the moment. _You’re_ my Mariah Carey.”

David took another step back and tilted his head towards the ceiling, pressing his eyes closed tightly and willing himself not to cry. “Okay. That complement could bring me to tears, but I’m not going to let it because we have a _lot_ of people waiting outside. But I… would like to thank you for all the wonderful things that you said.”

“Okay, David.” Patrick smiled, moving to stand behind the cash.

“Are we ready to do this?” David asked, his voice small and apprehensive.

“Open the door, David.” David grinned and turned to unlock the front door, flipping the sign to _Open_. “Softly.” Patrick whispered, the grin evident in his voice.

“ _Okay…_ ”

Hours later, David followed Roland, on his third visit of the day, to the front of the store and thanked him once again for his patronage. The moment Roland had exited the store, David flipped the lock and turned the sign to _Closed_ , before turning around and sagging against the door.

“Oh. My. God. I don’t think I’ve ever been so tired.” He glanced over to Patrick, where he stood, his hip leaning on the counter that held the cash and smiled.

“It was a good day. And to think, that was our _soft_ opening. Now imagine what Monday will be like.”

“Mmmm no. We will not be doing this again. We’re officially open, grand, soft, whatever. Rose Apothecary is open for business, except for right this moment where we are officially closed.”

He pushed off the door and walked over to where Patrick stood. He ran his hands along Patrick’s crossed arms and smiled. “All I want to do is order a pizza and fall into bed. Any idea where I might be able to do that?”

Patrick grinned and unfolded his arms to loop them around David’s waist. “Oddly enough, I have a pizza scheduled to arrive at my apartment in just forty-five minutes.” David hummed happily. “I also may have taken some of those bath salts you were raving about home and may or may not have convinced Heather Warner to create a special cheese plate just for us, that’s waiting in my fridge.”

“Wow. What did I do to deserve all of this?”

Patrick shrugged. “You’re here. With me. And I’m proud of you.”

David stared at him for a long moment before he leaned in and kissed him deeply. His hand found its way into the back of Patrick’s hair and David scraped his nails along Patrick’s scalp, eliciting a small moan from the man in his arms.

When they pulled away David had tears in his eyes. He kept his voice low, a whisper at best. “I love you.”

Patrick’s grin was one David had never seen before, bright, full and elated.

David couldn’t help himself, he simply had to kiss him again.

*****

_Fourteen Months Later_

The fourth time David detoured them down this street, Patrick knew what was coming before he even saw it.

“You are _obsessed_.”

“Yes. Yes I am.” David grinned at him from the driver’s seat as he slowed down in front of the stone front cottage. “It’s just so pretty. I keep expecting Jude Law to come bursting around the corner.”

Patrick rolled his eyes at him. “Wait, David. Stop.” He pointed out the window to the little sign poking out of the front lawn and David gasped.

David immediately pulled the car into the driveway and climbed out. He walked over to the sign and shook his head slightly. “I can’t believe it’s for sale.”

Patrick appeared next to him a moment later, wrapping his arm around David’s waist. “We should call the realtor. See if we can get a showing.”

“Yeah. Okay.” David replied sarcastically, looking over at his boyfriend. “Wait, you’re serious?”

“Yes, I’m serious. David we’ve been talking about moving in together for months. The only reason we haven’t is because we haven’t found a place that you like.”

David squirmed a little at the implication. “That’s not true. I would have been fine with that last place.”

Patrick rolled his eyes and pulled David in tighter. “You didn’t love it. I want you to love where we live.” Patrick pulled out his phone and took a picture of the sign. “Come on, let’s go. I’ll call the realtor on our way back to my apartment and make an appointment to view the place.”

As Patrick wandered back to the car, David turned his eyes upon the house. The first time they had driven by Patrick had expressed his surprise that, given the home David’s parents had built in Schitt’s Creek, that David would go for such a small modest home. But David had been quick to educated him on why this house was so special.

And that night when they settled down on Patrick’s couch and watched _The Holiday_ , Patrick understood. Despite his appearance, David wasn’t all about wealth. Yes, he liked designer sweaters and high-end skin care products, but he also loved the local products they sold at the store. A lot of his skin care had been replaced over the last six months by the items they carried at the store. And not just because David wanted to be able to confidently tell customers that he used them, but because he actually liked them.

The last year had seen David grow more than he had ever imagined was possible at his age. He wasn’t the reserved, skittish man who had come back for his sister’s wedding, the shame of the year prior hanging over his head as he struggled through his sobriety and to overcome his eating disorder. This David was flourishing. He had a successful business, a place in the community, and a loving partner. And now, maybe a home of his own.

David took one more long look at the house, admiring the stone work, before he turned and headed back to the car. He smiled as he slid into the driver’s seat and realized that Patrick was already on the phone with the realtor, scheduling a walk-through of the place for the next day. As David turned the car back onto the road, he made a mental note to have Patrick call Ray next, to make sure they had a realtor on their side to help make a deal.

*****

For all the things money had given David, he was never so thankful as when it gave him a speedy escrow and rapid renovations. Less than two months after he and Patrick had seen the for sale sign on the property, they were moving into the stone cottage on the outskirts of town.

After fourteen months together, David knew he wasn’t going to have to argue too much with Patrick when it came to furnishing the place. They went together to the stores, browsed online at night, and occasionally David even hand sketched a few designs, but in the end, Patrick was really more of a sounding board than someone supplying too much input. He trusted David to make their home beautiful, and cozy, and theirs.

The day they moved in was a whirlwind. Between moving trucks, and delivery vehicles, David felt as though he was spending the day directing traffic inside his own house. By the time every box was in the room where it would be unpacked, both men were exhausted. But David had one more thing to do that day.

Though he was no longer going to daily meetings, David still tried to attend the local Elmdale chapter of Narcotics Anonymous meetings at least once a week. He didn’t always manage it, the store and his life sometimes dictating that a week was skipped here or there, and sometimes the store and his life dictated that a second, or third, meeting that week was necessary. No matter what the situation, Patrick always stood by whatever decision David made and was there to cover at the store or have dinner warming in the oven when David came home after.

Stevie would still join him on occasion, but her new job, working for David’s father to curate and develop a motel empire to add to the Rose Group portfolio, kept her busy and travelling. And though for David, today’s meeting was a big deal, Stevie was sadly out of town.

Patrick had never gone to a meeting. Not that he hadn’t offered, but David always wanted to keep that separate. So much of his life was entwined with Patrick now, and he loved that, but his sobriety was something that David needed to keep as just his, as something he couldn’t lean on Patrick to help maintain. David had to do it on his own, had to want it on his own.

So that afternoon, after ensuring that the final box was in the house, David darted off to Elmdale. And when that evening’s leader asked if anyone was celebrating any milestones, David raised his hand and proudly announced that as of that day, he was two years clean and sober.

He pulled back into the driveway of the house a few hours later and took a moment to sit in his car and admire what he had accomplished. Not only in his sobriety, but in this place with Patrick. Part of him still couldn’t believe that Patrick had chosen him, had wanted to be with him. And now they had this brand new home together.

David shouldn’t have been surprised at the sight that greeted him when he walked in the front door. But when he stepped into the living room to find it flooded with candlelight, he couldn’t help the tears in his eyes.

Just as he had done the year prior, Patrick stood in the middle of the room, surrounded by dozens of candles, a soft smile on his face.

“Patrick…” David’s voice came out as a whisper.

Patrick held out his hand, an open invitation for David to step forward and take it. So he did.

“When I realized what today was, I thought about all the different ways I could top last year.”

“You don’t –“

“I know. But I wanted to.” His smile was soft, warm, and inviting and David wanted to drown in it. “This is a really big thing you did today, David. And when I thought about everything you’ve gone through these last two years, everything you’ve accomplished, and everything you’ve given me… Well there was really only one way to mark today.”

Patrick pulled a long slim velvet box out of his pocket and dropped down to one knee.

“Oh my god.”

“When I was sixteen, I had my world turned upside down by this beautiful boy who walked into my history class one day, all monochrome sweaters and perfectly groomed eyebrows. And for a long time I thought he would just be the best friend I ever had. But then fourteen months ago, he came back into my life after a long absence and turned it upside down all over again. I didn’t know what it truly meant to be in love, to know who I was, until I knew who I was with you. You make me feel right… in all the ways I never did before. And I am so proud of all that you have done these last two years.”

Patrick brushed away several tears and cleared his throat before he opened the box, revealing four gold rings. “And, if you let me, I will spend every day for the rest of my life, making sure you know just how kind, and loving, and generous, and so goddamn beautiful you are.” He handed the box to David. “David. Will you marry me?”

David held back a sob as he stared down at the rings, flexing his right hand out to see just how perfectly they matched the silver ones he was wearing. “Are you sure?”

Patrick laughed softly. “Easiest decision of my life.”

David nodded frantically as tears cascaded down his face. “Yes. Yes. It’s a yes.” He pulled Patrick off his knee and kissed him deeply before wrapping his arms around Patrick’s shoulder, the tears still falling.

Hours later, they lay crumpled on the couch, clothing and blankets strewn around them as David held his left hand, now adorned with the four gold rings, out in front of him, unable to stop staring at the newly acquired jewelry.

“You know, you’re really spoiling me on this day. First last year, coming to New York and now this? How are you going to top this next year?”

Patrick kissed David’s shoulder, running his nose gently along his bare skin. “Oh, next year you’re just getting a card. This was my last grand gesture. Once we make this legal, there’ll be no reason to keep putting in so much effort.”

David snorted a laugh as he felt Patrick shaking with laughter against him.

*****

_Eighteen Months Later_

David stood, leaning against the stone wall, and looked out onto the vast gardens of his parents’ house. The music and laughter from the ballroom filtered around him as he took deep, steadying breaths in the night air.

The night had a vague chill to it, as early fall often does, and he felt himself shiver as a slight breeze whirled past him, making the kilt of his custom tuxedo flutter. He was just preparing to turn around and head back inside to rejoin the chaos when a pair of arms wrapped around him from behind, a chin propping over his shoulder.

“It’s too cold for you to be out here.” Patrick murmured against his skin.

“I’m okay.”

“David. You’re shivering.”

David shrugged and turned in Patrick’s arms, his hands coming to rest on Patrick’s shoulders, keeping him close. “But you’re here now. You can keep me warm.” He smirked as Patrick smiled, pressing in to kiss him gently.

“I can. But we should probably go inside and participate in the festivities.” Patrick began to sway them slowly to the sound of the music as it wafted out onto the patio from the door he had left ajar.

“But in _there_ , is my family, and out _here_ , is just you.”

“David.”

“Two more minutes.” David pouted, forcing a sigh and a small smile from Patrick.

“Fine. But only because you’re cute when you pout.”

“Oh yeah?” David grinned, bouncing his eyebrows suggestively. “How cute?” Patrick rolled his eyes and leaned up to kiss David again, continuing to sway gently.

When the song changed over, David pulled away with a small gasp, a delighted grin on his face. “Finally!”

Patrick laughed and wrapped his arms tighter around David’s waist. He tucked his face into David’s neck, placing a kiss on the spot that he had made his own eighteen months prior and continued to sway, humming along to the song.

As the chorus hit, David could feel Patrick’s smile against his skin as he started to sing along softly. “You’ll always be a part of me…” David curled one hand into the back of Patrick’s hair as he felt his own smile taking over his face. He wrapped his arms tighter around Patrick’s shoulders as Patrick continued to sing along softly in his ear.

“Ooh, darling, ‘cause you’ll always be my baby…”

David pulled back enough to capture Patrick’s lips with his own. He broke away only to whisper “I love you” before kissing him again.

They stood there for a few moments, letting the song swirl around them as they lost themselves in each other until the sound of someone clearing their throat by the doors startled them apart.

“Could we please have _one_ party where you don’t disappear onto the patio with Patrick, David?”

“Fuck off, Alexis.” David grinned, his eyes still locked on Patrick’s as he stroked the back of Patrick’s hair.

“Rude, David.” Alexis called from the doorway. “Patrick.” Her voice changed instantaneously to the saccharine tone she used when she wanted something. “Can you please inform your husband that we’d like to cut the cake now, and that’s kind of difficult when both grooms are outside, making out on the patio like teenagers.”

Patrick laughed, his eyes sparkling as he looked at David. “We’ll be in in a second. I promise.”

“Fine but if you take too long, I’m telling the DJ to let Mom have a microphone.” Alexis smirked before turning and heading back inside.

“Oh god.” David groaned, moving to extract himself from Patrick’s arms at the prospect of his mother being given free reign with a microphone.

“Don’t worry.” Patrick smiled, lacing his hand through David’s as they turned and headed towards the door. “I already told the band leader under no circumstances is that to happen. And Stevie’s on standby to intercept if she needs to. Also, my mum promised to keep Moira distracted all night.”

David paused right outside the door and shook his head slightly. “What did I do to deserve you?”

Patrick shrugged, leaning over to place a lingering kiss on David’s cheek. “Somewhere in your youth, or childhood…”

“Ugh, gross.” David rolled his eyes and shoved him slightly before tugging him into the ballroom where Alexis was waiting, a petulant look on her face, by their wedding cake.

Later, as he danced around the room with Stevie, sat and watched as Patrick danced with Alexis, and slid into a town car, his newly minted husband half asleep in the seat next to him David knew that despite everything that had happened in his life, Patrick was right.

He must have done something good.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all stick around for this cathartic angst fest that I'm currently in. I am extremely terrified to post this as it is so beyond the usual for me. But its good to do scary things some times. I hope.
> 
> Stay safe out there friends. We can see the light but the darkness is still hanging around for a lot of us in the world. Those of you in the USA with me, well... we'll get through this together. I promise. 
> 
> Thanks in advance for continuing to be awesome.


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